what goes around

A couple years ago, I was pretty ballsy and turned down a job offer without having a fall-back. It worked out ok, as I got the job I had been holding out for, but it was still kinda stupid. The interview was awful though, one for the record books really. But then yesterday I found out that one of my former grad school colleagues was offered a job at that same institution. And at her interview, she was in a major car accident on the drive to her teaching demo. The faculty member driving her was t-boned. Everyone was fine, but that could also go down in the records for bad interview experiences. It seems this department is somewhat cursed for putting together a decent interview for a candidate. She, at least according to FB, is excitedly celebrating the offer. I am glad it worked out for her!

awkwardness (almost) averted

Thursday and Friday of this week was the MACTE (MN Association of Colleges of Teacher Education) Conference. It's an organization I was peripherally involved in during my PhD work, but was just a lowly grad student, so only made a couple presentations and that's about it. Now that I'm officially part of the teacher prep community, I'm a fully acknowledged member of the group.

I taught Thursday morning, and so joined the meetings after lunch. I was mingling in the hallway before the first afternoon session when an SCU coworker came up to me saying, "I had the most uncomfortable encounter this morning.

Me: "What happened?"

Susan: "When I got into the meeting this morning, a woman who we interviewed for your job, who obviously didn't get it, came up to me and asked, 'Why didn't I get the job?' I was so surprised, I didn't know how to respond." We talked about how unprofessional and awkward that was, and went to our respective break-out sessions.

I walk into the St. Croix Room and almost literally run into three of the people from the Gustavus search committee. The job I didn't get. Ha. To her credit, one of the women came over to me to ask what I was doing now and to tell me that they loved me and it was a really hard decision, and that she was really glad I am still in MN and got a job in teacher prep. I thanked her and said that it was a great interview at Gustavus, and that I really liked it there, but that I was very happy with my position and everything worked out for me. It was very nice of her to diffuse a potentially awkward situation.

And it saved me from having to confront someone about not getting the job.

:)

Earlier this week I called a cousin of mine to share the good news of my new job. He was very excited for me. In the background, I heard the squeals of his teenage daughter, "What happened?! What happened?!" When she got on the phone, she blurted, "Do you have a boyfriend?! Are you getting married?!" Sigh.

She's young, but that's why it's so disturbing. How can our society have moved forward in so many ways, and yet the only exciting reason this girl thought I would call my extended family would be to share that I had a boyfriend.

There are days that I am tender about this, and days when I am fired up, along with most days that I don't much care one way or another. Most days I am so happy with my independent single life: as is, no complaints. But I'd be lying if there weren't the occasional days I wished I did have someone to share it with.

The ebb and flow of the single girl.

negotiations

I could never be a diplomat. Or a broker. I am terrible at not showing my cards. My poker face is non-existent. I live with my heart on my sleeve.

Part of accepting a job, any job I suppose, is the contract negotiation. I have very smart parents and a somewhat absent adviser who gave me some advice about this. But ultimately, it comes down to me and the dean. I was a rookie. And like I already said, I lack the deadpan expression. And mine was the first offer this dean had made, so he was a rookie too.

In the end, I don't think I got all I could have out of the deal. But I don't actually care. I'm pleased as punch to be an assistant professor in the education department of St. Kate's. Remind me of this when I'm struggling to pay off my student loans, ok?

I got it!

Things must have gone well last Thursday, because I got a call offering me the job on Friday! It was pending a call with the Senior VP this morning, which went very well, and the formal offer was made today. I can't believe how quickly it all happened.

I'm employed!!

Now I have to finish that f@%*ing dissertation.

gearing up

Tomorrow could be a big day for me. Preparing for yet another job interview, and this time I really want the job. I think the school is a good fit for me, and the fact that it is ten minutes from my house is a big plus. I'm also trying to remind myself that if I don't get it, I'm still a competent person and there's something out there for me.

A good friend of mine defended her dissertation today. I got really emotional, partly for her but also thinking about how much I need to be done with this part of my life. It has been amazing. I've learned so much about education, about myself, about research, about teaching. I have some serious writing to do before I'm done. But I am very anxious for the next phase to begin.

Maybe tomorrow will be the start of something new.

Done.

Made the call. It was hard, but I think it's the right thing for me. My adviser (I finally got to talk to her) was supportive of my decision. AND, she said she has a possible job for me at the university if nothing else pans out.

There is still a lot of uncertainty, and I don't know what effect this decision will have on my career, but I'm moving forward and not going to look back.

Go with my gut, or do what's safe?

The adviser-advisee relationship in grad school is complex to say the least. And I haven't been able to discuss this job offer with mine. She has a cold or something, and has ignored my emails about wanting some advice. Oh, I still get emails telling me what work she needs me to do, but apparently is too sick to talk about a freaking job offer. She canceled our weekly meeting on Tuesday, which I had been counting on to get her perspective. As much as I've thought about this decision, and having a dad in higher ed helps, I was really counting on being able to be advised by my adviser. Crazy, I know. She said she could talk to me over the phone at 4 tomorrow. My decision is due before then. Therefore, I'm going to have to do this without any advice from her.

I'm starting to freak out a bit and second-guess my decision. I'm just not sure what to do. There were three separate articles in this week's Chronicle of Higher Education about how bleak the job market is for academics. Today, I got a nice email response from one of the university's faculty (a full six days after I emailed with some questions, mind you), and she wrote that she was really happy there and would love to work with me because of our similar interests. It has me thinking that it might not be anywhere near perfect, but I would have a regular income and could still look for something next year if I wasn't happy. Sigh. I am really tired of constantly worrying about money. And it's a pretty decent offer.

But it's a position that is outside my expertise and not really my area of interest. I really love teaching elementary and middle level reading to preservice teachers, not high school content teachers - which is what this position would be. I was surprised to get the interview because of it, and even more so to get the offer.

I'm not anticipating getting much sleep tonight.

A verdict is reached

The decision is made. I'm saying no to the job. Risky and arrogant? Definitely. But I believe that there is something out there that will be a better fit for me. And even if it doesn't happen this year, it will come along. This is maybe the scariest decision I've ever made. I think it will end up being the right one.

Now I just have to get up the guts to make the call...

tick-tock, tick-tock

I feel a bit silly being so worked up over this job offer business. Many people have said what a good problem it is to have. But isn't that an oxymoron? Good problem? To me, it's just a problem.

I met with a professor I respect very much today to discuss the offer and my options. She gave me some good tips on information that I really should look into if I'm going to seriously consider the offer. My gut is screaming no for so many reasons on so many levels, but it is a job with a good salary, two things I really need.

What it comes down to is whether or not I can live with the consequences of turning down this offer and not getting another job offer. It's a tough call.

an offer I can't refuse?

I was offered a job yesterday. And I don't want it. Don't get me wrong - I need a job. I just don't want this particular job. The department seems in chaos, and no one can tell me exactly what I'd be teaching. It would mean a move to a town I'm not crazy about, and there would be few, if any, opportunities to play violin in a group. I'd have to sell my house, probably at a loss in the given market. But it's a job, and pays pretty well. And I don't know that I can pompously turn down a job in the hopes something else comes up.

I have an interview at the school where I really want to teach coming up, but I need to give my decision on this offer before that interview. I'm in the process of making a pro/con list. When I'm not crying.

Totally unimpressed

That interview was odd from start to finish. I felt unprepared for the interview, as I had not been sent any information about the school, town, department, nothing in advance. I finally emailed last Thursday for a schedule so I'd know when I'd be expected there on Monday and when I could leave on Wednesday.

I got there, checked into my hotel, and was asked how I'd be paying for it. What? Apparently, you have to pay your own way when you interview there, and they send you a reimbursement check later. Would have been nice to know ahead of time. Thank goodness I thought to grab my credit card which lives in my freezer to keep from unnecessary spending. I found this out at dinner after ordering and one of the women said we'd need separate checks. Nice.

Every part of the next day was weird. After breakfast, which was fine, the first place I went was HR to hear about benefits. An odd place to start. It took about 15 minutes, so since I was scheduled for a full hour, I sat and waited for the next person to pick me up. Then I had my teaching demonstration, which went well. The students didn't talk much, but that's mostly to be expected. What I wasn't expecting was at lunch afterward, when a faculty member who had observed my teaching made a comment about how much the students participated and how engaged they were. What is that class normally like? One thing I really didn't like was that my only time to talk to students was with the students in that class (after my official teaching time was over), with the faculty all still present. It felt totally artificial, and I don't think I got a very good student perspective. And the fact that in a two day interview that was my only opportunity to interact with students didn't make me feel as if the university was terribly student-centered.

And speaking of that, when I asked faculty about the students, most of them replied "They're ok." Really?? That's all you have to say? Ok, so on to lunch. I had lunch with a faculty member and the chair of the department. The faculty member talked about how crotchety the old senior faculty were and how there was a big divide between the senior and junior faculty. And I know this is a common problem plaguing many institutions, but if this is your attempt to woo me, not a good plan. I asked about support for new faculty and she replied that there was an official mentor system, but it wasn't very good. I asked her about support for research and she said there really wasn't any. And the only other thing she commented on was how I used a lot of handouts and I wouldn't be able to do that there, as they don't really cover much in printing costs.

The chair, who was also at lunch, was completely unimpressive. After he asked a few questions of me, I asked how he saw the position, and what they hoped that person would do. His reply? "You'll have to ask the reading faculty that." When asked about his vision for and the direction the department is moving, he answered, "Well, there are a lot of new faculty coming in, so we'll just have to wait to see what they want." I asked what the role of the university and department is in the community, he replied, "Role? I don't know." My final question for him was why I would choose to work at their institution. He said that he's been pursued by other institutions (he named a few and I think he wanted me to be impressed, but I had never heard of these places), but he always stays. The other faculty member asked why he stays. "'Cause it's a great place." That was it. His big sell for the school.

After lunch I met with the dean, which was fine, had my research presentation, which went well, and finally had my formal search committee interview. The interview questions could have been answered by reading my CV and cover letter (why are you interested in the position? what are your K-12 teaching experiences? university teaching experiences? have you supervised student teachers? what research projects have you worked on?) One woman fell asleep during my interview. I'm not kidding.

After the interview I went to dinner and after dinner was driven back to my hotel (which was 20 minutes out of town, no where near the school or the downtown or anything). We had to pick up the faculty member's kids on the way, and in the car with the kids, he asked if I was still interested in the position. How awkward is that? I wasn't interested at that point, in fact the awful conversation with the chair pretty much sealed my decision, but how was I supposed to say that with the guy's kids in the car? Weird.

Oh! And then breakfast this morning. We ate at my hotel with three faculty members. The free continental breakfast. They all ate the breakfast. The free breakfast for the hotel patrons. It was so uncomfortable.

I asked everyone I had meetings with for more information about the specifics of the position for which I was interviewing. No one could really tell me. The one course listed in the call was the one thing they could tell me about, but no one could tell me what my other courses/responsibilities might be. I was never really sure this was a position I wanted in the first place (it's all secondary reading, and I really love teaching elementary and middle, not middle and high school). I think that there could be really exciting directions and opportunities to build the position for myself, but I also feel as though I'd have no real idea what I'd be signing up for. No clear directions for the department, no clear directions for the position. It could end up being somewhere I'd like to be, but it could go in directions I wasn't at all happy with.

No one asked anything about me outside of my research and teaching. No one seemed the least bit interested in anything else about me that made me a human being. They talked about collaboration, but I didn't see much evidence of this. It felt cold and unsupportive.

I was the last of three candidates. They said they'd be making their decision today and would be in touch early next week with the decision. But why would I take a position I didn't really want, in a department I wasn't impressed with, in a school that only seems ok, in a town I'm not crazy about?

Going another direction

Currently on another interview, I heard back from Gustavus. I didn't get the job. Apparently, they really liked me and thought I was an exceptional candidate (but they have to say that, right?). However, the other candidate offered a little more breadth, and they thought it would be the right decision given their small department.

I don't know that I would have taken it. But I'm still sad I didn't get the job. And now I worry I won't get anything.

But chin up! Gotta be ready to interview all day tomorrow. We'll see what happens here.

Learning about what to ask

In the event that a job offer is extended (from the most recent interview, or from an upcoming interview), I had no idea what questions to ask or what information would be important to obtain. The interview process being so much more intense than anything else I've applied for, I figure so will the offer/negotiation process.

Sat my adviser down tonight and got some perspective. Ask/negotiate base salary first and foremost, she says. Make sure to request course release in first year to research/write/learn. See if there are funds for one-time items like new laptop, professional resources, research funding. See what options are for travel/conference funds. Do they offer sabbaticals or leaves? Summer employment options? And how much time can I have to make a decision.

Not that I need to worry about this yet...

Waiting...

Hurry up and wait. Crazy busy for weeks preparing, and now comes the waiting game. I think one of the toughest parts is that I don't really know the timeline for a decision. If I don't hear in the next week, did they offer to the other candidate? Or are they still deciding? And is it really the right fit for me anyway? So much to consider. I think I'll have some wine instead.

Exhausted!

What a whirlwind day. Teaching, interviews, meetings, research presentation. A huge learning curve about the school and program, town and community. A lot of the day felt like it went well. I think I have a real shot at the position. But you never know what you're up against, what they're really looking for, and the dynamics of a position.

Headed to bed. Sleep is well-deserved tonight.

Learning about academic job interviews

"No one ever told me..." sums up ninety percent of the PhD process. The "no one ever told me" that I'm currently grappling with is the dreaded job search. Exiting? Absolutely. Terrifying? You got it. No one ever told me how much work the academic job search really was. That during the most intense part of my graduate career (namely, writing my dissertation), I'd also be searching for jobs. I suppose if I had really thought about it, I'd have figured it out. But who has time for that?

And then if you are lucky and there are jobs to apply for, you might even get to go on interviews, like I have coming up. Exciting? Absolutely. Terrifying? You got it. Two-day affairs with teaching demonstrations, research presentations, search-committee interviews, meetings with students, faculty, deans, diversity coordinators, and heads of grant writing.

So what I've learned so far is to view the whole experience as an opportunity. I'm using this first interview as the opportunity to hone my elevator conversation about my dissertation, my research agenda, my teaching philosophy, my career goals. My teaching demo is not really in my area of expertise, so I'm viewing it as a professional challenge to show the committee how versatile I am. I had the "opportunity" to spend the last two weeks in furious analysis of data to have some early insights into my dissertation research. I have the opportunity to learn about a campus and town, students and faculty, and about myself as a future professor.

Heading to my first interview tomorrow. Excited? Absolutely. Terrified? You got it.