resolution check in: month one

I think I better check in regularly to see how I'm doing on my resolutions. That way, I'm more likely to keep on top of them.

Resolution 1: Lose dissertation weight.
How am I doing? I've lost 4 lbs so far, which seems about right at the slow pace of a pound a week. I think I could lose more than that, but want to be realistic. This was very slow to get started, and then just recently I started seeing a difference in how clothes were fitting/the number on the scale. Still have 9 to go.

Resolution 2: Start saving money.
How am I doing? I have made a new budget and stuck to it this month. I am saving for some things in particular (a trip, new siding and doors for the garage, new flooring in the house), and I have been pleased with the plan this month.

Resolution 3: Submit 2 manuscripts for publication.
How am I doing? I made some good progress toward this right after break. And then it got dropped. I need to get on that this weekend.

Resolution 4: Read more for pleasure.
How am I doing? I have finished couple books, but then I needed to concentrate on reading the texts for the insane FOUR classes I'm teaching this term. Hoping to carve out more time though.

Resolution 5: Run another marathon.
How am I doing? Signing up for TCM on Wednesday. Bring it!

Resolution 6: Start dating again.
How am I doing? I got back on match.com, and have gone on one date so far. Though this might seem like not much progress, I consider it a big deal. Especially considering my aversion to first dates.

Resolution 7: Attend concerts where I don't know the music.
How am I doing? Poor. Need to do something about this one.

Resolution 8: Work on relationship with mom.
How am I doing? Well, I have been really working on this one. I did get unnecessarily impatient with mom this weekend at the movie, but otherwise, we've had really good phone conversations all month. Baby steps.

Resolution 9: Take vitamins.
How am I doing? Great. Taken every day. Though this feels like a cheater resolution, because it is so easy. But at least I can say I've accomplished one well so far.

Resolution 10: Take a vacation.
How am I doing? This is in the works. It's still a sapling of an idea, but that means it is more than just a seed! I'll dish when it gets more concrete.

Not bad.

the perpetual search for perfection

Don't worry. I'm not talking about men here. I know better than to think "perfect" and "person" in sequence. Afternoon, yes. Sunset, of course. But person? We're all blessed with imperfections that give us pause and drive to become better.

No, this is the search for the perfect pair of jeans. I know they exist. I have a pair. But as hard as I look, I cannot find a replacement for this pair. I suppose it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before. But now that I know perfect is attainable, it is all the more frustrating when prospective pairs fall miserably below expectation.

You all know what I mean. Finding a pair that hugs in the right places while giving in others. That doesn't lose shape 15 minutes after putting them on. That keep from fading and don't fray at the knees. Length that works (or that can be altered without losing the integrity of the line of the jeans). Pocket placement and design that only draws appropriate and flattering attention to the rear.

These are not them...



It's so complicated, it is really amazing that a pair ever works. My favorite and, dare I say, perfect pair of Gap jeans are now 6 years old and have likely been worn 250 times. Or more? I don't know, but lots. But they have gotten old. And though I still wear them all the time, they just aren't what they used to be. I went back to Gap, but just can't find a pair this season that look even remotely flattering. I've liked Lucky and Calvin Klein, but again, it is hit or miss depending on the season.

I bought a new pair last week and was initially pretty excited about them. They fit without alteration, and had just the right hug in the right places. But I am now so frustrated. I swear I left the house in a size 4 (thank you size inflation for tricking me into thinking that I'm still the same size as two years ago - the last time I bought pants) and by the time I got home, those jeans had expanded to at least a size 8. I was holding them up at the waist to keep them from falling down as I left work. How does the company get away with that? Really. I don't know that I can wear these jeans again. But since they've been worn, I can't return them. I guess I just won't buy them again, and maybe shouldn't have tried a new brand (Tommy Hilfiger). But that doesn't make me less irritated.

The quest continues...

the jury is still out

I loved the show Sex and the City. I didn't start watching until mid-way through the first season, but I was hooked from then on. I bawled my eyes out when the show was over. Sobbing about Carrie and Big and losing these women I felt connected to in that weird way we become attached to tv characters.

Those women led far more glamorous lives than I ever would, but most of their problems were those that I could, and can still, relate to. Many of my gal friends and I joke that pretty much everything can be related to an episode of SATC. Or Friends. But mostly SATC. And let's all agree that the second movie never happened. Ok?

When Carrie met Victor Petrovsky (i.e. Mikhail Baryshnikov), he was quite a bit older than her. But she was no spring chicken either. Early-ish in the relationship, she finds out that he's snip-snip, shooting blanks. He had a 20-something year old daughter and didn't want more kids. And it worried her a little. She wasn't sure she wanted kids, but wasn't so sure she wanted it completely out of the equation either.

I know I'm no spring chicken. And I know it is perhaps strange to others that I'm in my mid-thirties and not sure whether I want kids. I think I would be happy either way. But like Carrie, I don't think I'm ready to have it off the table.

I have a date this week with a divorced father of two who doesn't want more kids. There are a few reservations I have about this man (not the divorced or father part, but other things), and in addition I'm not sure I'm ready to decide I absolutely don't want kids.

One date a commitment does not make. But it does make me think. I was urged that I better get my act together, do some soul searching, and figure out if I really want kids. But I've been trying to figure this out for 10 years and the answer always comes out the same: it'll depend on if I meet someone, who I meet and when, or if I decide to do it on my own. My clock isn't ticking at me, but I know my timer will be going off soon and all will be decided for me.

Why couldn't I have just met someone ten years ago???

little white lies

Is it ever ok to lie?

I ask because, I admit, I do it from time to time. Like, "I'm sick" when I just needed a mental health excuse out of something. Or, "I have a boyfriend" to the skeezy guy at the bar. Or, "That has happened to me too" to the friend needing someone to commiserate over whatever it is that needs commiserating. Or, "I had a great weekend" when I really did nothing but watch tv. It's easier this way. For me, that is.

This, I also admit, does not help me on my quest to be more impeccable with my words. I suppose these seemingly harmless lies could, in fact, not be harmless. I'm feeling more and more like these little white lies are a problem, however infrequent.

I guess I should add that to my resolutions. Little White Lie less.

friday book review: the odious ogre

Juster, N. (2010). The odious ogre. Scholastic.

The townfolk are all afraid of the ogre, and rightfully so. The ogre has enjoyed years of easy pickings as the frightened townspeople cower whenever he comes near. Until...

the ogre meets his match, in an unlikely package.

The storyline is a bit tired, but Jules Feiffer's illustrations are the real jewel in this book. The pictures of the angry ogre are really great.

scene from the online dating world

From: icky484 < icky484@talkmatch.com > / Received: January 19, 2011

Do you think that were a good match?? Or I'm I wasting my time here



Really? With an opening email like that, he's wasting his and my time. And what is he thinking with that username?

why online dating is hard: cut-and-paste correspondences

I find that most men on online dating sites think it is ok to have a blanket email that they send to every girl whose picture gets them excited. These emails are boring and make it near impossible for me to want to spend the time to reply.

Example: I liked your profile. I think we should get to know each other. Tell me about yourself. (and yes, I got this exact email this morning)

Example: I liked your picture. It is attractive and I want to get to know you more. Hope to hear from you. (yes, also received this morning. At least this guy admitted he was basing this all on my pic)

Call me crazy, but there is nothing in these emails that makes me want to write back. It's pretty clear these are standard emails sent to who knows how many women. Did you read my profile, because there's lots about me in it. Could you spend 5 seconds thinking of a specific question or comment based on things already in my profile? Show a little effort!

Obviously I have issues with dating. I'm 34 and single in the midwest, which puts me way into spinsterland around here. I get it that it is hard to know how to start a conversation. I should probably be less judgy about this. But come on.

to match or not to match

I've been pretty lazy when it comes to dating lately. Meaning, I'm not doing any of it. I don't really enjoy it. All that getting worked up and nervous and then you meet the guy and there's careful small talk and then you like him or don't but there's the game of when to connect again and if he asks you out but you don't want to go what do you say and on and on.

But there's that promise of a great night. And a first kiss. And that's what keeps me going.

Anyway, it's time. It is one of my resolutions. And I don't have any of the excuses I've been using most of the last year. So let the games begin.

I think there will be some good blogging that comes of this, if anything.

friday book review: children make terrible pets

Brown, P. (2010). Children make terrible pets. New York: Little, Brown Books for Young Readers.

A young bear comes across a little boy in the woods and asks to keep him as a pet. Mother warns him that children make terrible pets, but the bear keeps him anyway. And mother was right.

I really liked this very cute and clever twist of a tale. Great for kids of all ages.

I need to tell you something

This is another phrase that gets me worried. This time it came from my sister.

She said she needed to tell me something, a sensitive topic (read: ex-boyfriend related), and didn't know how I was going to react.

My sister's Friend is writing a memoir. Friend is someone we grew up with, and one of Sis's best friends. She married a scary jerk and got divorced within a year (or so). She ended up reconnecting with a friend from college and is now married with one little girl and another on the way.

Sis said there's a story Friend wants to use in the book that involves me. It's on Friend's blog already, but is vague and doesn't tell the whole thing. For the book, Friend wants to be more specific with the story. When Sis said this, I got nervous and my head started racing through what could have possibly been the story. I've read Friend's blog and couldn't recall any story that involved me. Where was this headed?

Here it is:

A few years ago I hosted a sex toy party. It was great fun, and I invited Sis and Friend, since Friend, newly divorced, was living with Sis at the time, and I thought she might enjoy a girls night out. At some point in the evening, I started talking about the guy with whom I was, how do I put this, getting busy. I was pretty excited, because I'd known him for years and liked him for quite a while. For the sake of the story, let's call him Asshole.

At my sharing of this, Sis and Friend choked on their wine, because Friend had a date with Asshole the next night. They met on match.com. Friend knew from conversations with Asshole that Asshole knew both me and Sis, and in fact, Asshole said he "loved me and Sis!" Ha. Sis did not know (until the sex toy party) that I was involved with Asshole, so when Friend asked Sis for advice, she told her that he was a really good guy and to go for it. Ha. Sis felt so weird about telling me about it and then lost the opening. At any rate, several years later, I got the phone call.

Asshole had a dating obsession, and is the kind of guy who thinks there's always something better out there. A better party, a better date, a better lay. It was exhausting being with him, always feeling compelled to make every day and every night the BEST TIME EVER!!! I knew he was still on match when we started our adventure, and to be honest, it didn't bother me. At first. I was too, and knew we were still casual. But I didn't think he'd date my friends. I don't actually think he's an asshole. Just misguided and narcissistic when it comes to dating.

Anyway, Friend wants to give more details about the story in her book. So Sis was responsible for telling me about this story and clear it with me. Though I'm really over it, and mostly just shook my head while Sis was telling this to me because it really isn't all that surprising knowing Asshole, it doesn't make me look great. I know that Friend wants to point out that dating sucks and that even "good guys" can be d-bags, but it doesn't make me look great either.

Sis said Friend would be in touch. I said it was ok to use the story, but I'm no ok with using my name. If there's a compelling reason she needs to, I'll think about it.

friday book review: and tango makes three

Richardson, J., & Parnell, P. (2005). and tango makes three. New York: Simon & Schuster.

This sweet story of loving families begins in the Central Park Zoo. The zoo has animal families of all kinds: red panda bear families, monkey families, and penguin families. At the penguin house, there are two boy penguins, Roy and Silo, who do everything together but could not have a baby penguin.

The zookeeper, Mr. Gramzay, found an egg that needed to be cared for but could not by its own mama and papa penguin. So he gave it to Roy and Silo to care for and after weeks of sitting on the egg keeping it warm, Tango joined Roy and Silo to make a family. All of the events in this story are true, and you can still visit Tango at the Central Park Zoo.

This book has been the most challenged and frequently banned book since it was published. Conservative groups rail against the book for promoting gay relationships. Coauthor Justin Richardson, interviewed in The New York Times in 2005 stated:

We wrote the book to help parents teach children about same-sex parent families. It's no more an argument in favor of human gay relationships than it is a call for children to swallow their fish whole or sleep on rocks.

I think this is a wonderful book to open the conversation about the reality of the diverse family structures to which our chidlren belong. And Tango is just so darn cute.

gaining momentum

Now that I'm fully present at work and no longer pretending that break isn't over, I'm actually making some progress on my writing. It's still painful, and mostly what I've perfected this week so far is looking busy and thoughtful while I'm actually staring blankly at the screen or breaking the "rules" by surfing the web.

See, we're all working in a group study room in the library. So there's quite a bit of pressure to feel as though I'm clicking away on my computer, even though I'd rather be doing just about anything else. But I actually felt as though I'd made enough progress to print out the draft to do some revisions. This was a big step.

And I got to catch up with a colleague for a couple hours this afternoon while planning for our classes starting on Monday. It was good to chat after three days of silent, painful writing.

bring it 2011

Happy New Year! Last night, ELnO (the ELO cover band we love and went to see) pronounced 2011 the year of awesome. I like it.