an acquired taste

You'd think I'd have this dating thing figured out. Well, I guess if I had it figured out, I wouldn't have to still be dating. But that aside, I struggle with the so-so date. If you have a not-great-but-not-awful first date, and then a not-great-but-not-awful second date, do you go on the third date? The answer is no with the latest guy.

This is a long one. No worries if you don't care to read my blah blah blah about a blah date.

So the first date with this set-up was just meh. We met for dinner (food was good - Al Vento in Minneapolis). Conversation was not easy, and there were some decidedly weird moments. Like when he spent a good amount of time talking about his sixth grade IQ test and standardized test scores that proved he was really smart. There was also the time he spent sharing what good friends he is with all his exes. You all know how I prefer to think that my exes are dead once we break up. I know he was telling me this to show that he's a good guy. But he went on and on about the emails he sends out and checks in with his exes every few months (!?!) to see how they are doing. Weird. When we were looking over the wine list, he asked (perhaps rhetorically, not really looking for an answer) what the different names listed indicated. I said I was pretty sure they named the grape, vineyard, and region, but he disagreed with me. And then he asked the waiter to explain and the waiter told him what I had said (grape, vineyard, region). His response was, "Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Thanks." Then he wanted to walk around the Falls, which is nice normally, but I have a boot on and it was raining. So we sat in the rain and talked for a while before he took me home. He asked if I wanted to go out again (I hate it when they do that before the date is even over), and I said yes, so we made plans to kayak, which I wasn't so sure about because of my leg, but figured I'd see how it went. And then he sent me a text at 6 am the next morning to tell me he had a good time. 6 am?? I know, I know, it was nice. But I don't want to be woken up by a "Had a great time ;-o" text. Frankly, I hate emoticons, and what is that face anyway? A winking surprise? How does that relate to our awkward date with strained conversation? But it wasn't awful, so we went out again.

I wouldn't have chosen to go kayaking. Remember - in a boot. But he said I didn't need to wear it all the time and could take it off for the kayak (um, thanks doc). In theory, I do like to kayak and it is a good date idea, just maybe not right now for me. But we met to kayak the lakes on Tuesday evening. It was a gorgeous evening, and the lakes were calm and beautiful. We were in a tandem kayak, so he stared at the back of my head the entire night. More weird conversations where he would sort of argue with me or shoot down something I said. He talked a great deal about his dog - a pitbull - which I just can't seem to get over. I get it that a lot of their behavior is dependent on training, but they are scary dogs. I know of several people/dogs who have had run-ins with pitbulls and lost. And I got another 6 am text.

The woman who set us up said he's a little weird, (she thought he was pretty creepy when they met) and a bit of an acquired taste though he's quirky and nice. That may be, but I just don't feel any chemistry at all. None at all. I didn't have any fluttery excitement when I saw him when we met to kayak. I didn't get excited when we hugged at the end. I didn't feel anything at the end of the date when I was driving away. I called my sister and almost forgot to tell her that I had been on the date. He once again asked at the end of the kayak date if I wanted to see him again and I said sure. He said I should plan this date. And for the last 48 hours, I spent 0 minutes thinking about when and what I'd want to do with him. I figured this is a pretty strong signal that though he may be an acquired taste, I don't really want to spend that time to figure out in the end I still don't want to see him any more. I sent him an email that I didn't want to plan another date. I only felt relief when I sent it.

I know I'm probably being really picky. But even though I go back and forth with being really happy and really wanting a partner, I'm mostly really happy with my life. And I think that at this point, it would need to be something pretty extraordinary. And I just don't think this was it.

once a cheater...

If I go on one more date with a man who turns out to be MARRIED, I am going to freaking lose it. Ok, so it's only happened 4 times. But FOUR TIMES seems like a lot, right? Four times to go out with men on the pretense that they are single and available (and for 3 of the 4 the lie was in writing, on their match profile), only to find out that they are married. Not separated. MARRIED! [and yes, I know that all caps means shouting. I am shouting.]

Tonight was another failed match.com experiment. Met a guy for a drink. The guy has a wife and 3 young daughters back in France, and his wife didn't want to travel back and forth with him and the girls. So, he was looking for something on the side during the 2 weeks/mo he's in Mpls. His profile said he was divorced. I guess the good news is that he was honest.

I just hate this.

back at it

I'm back on match.com. Lord, help me.

dead to me

I think I've mentioned before how when a relationship ends, I usually pretend that the guy is dead. No longer in existence. Never to be seen or heard from again. This is considerably more difficult when I've made the (poor) decision to date men I worked with. It's not as easy to pretend a man is dead when you have to see him every single day. But my dating scars take a really long time to heal, and it's usually better if I don't know anything about them. And even after the passage of much time, I don't usually want to ever see them or know what they are doing. Say what you will, there is no medal given to the woman who is friends with the most exs.

In the last week, I found out through very random ways that three guys I've dated in the last couple years have gotten married this spring. And then tonight, I had a run-in with the ex that I was most screwed up over, and it was nice. I saw him across the restaurant and went up and said a quick hi. We talked for a few minutes, and then I left. It was a nothing. I called my sis to tell her about it, and in an effort of full disclosure, she told me she found out that the most recent ex was going to be running a race I'm also running in a couple weeks. And I don't care.

All of this would normally send me into a tailspin. I'm pretty happy that it didn't this time around. Maybe it's all those endorphins from the running. At any rate, they clearly are not dead, but I don't even need to wish that they were. Progress, I think.

about face

I go out, occasionally, on these set-ups that end up being pretty awkward. Usually, only one person knows it's a set up. By the by, potential setter-uppers, this is not the way to do it. Although it is highly uncomfortable to be watched by everyone at the table whether you are hitting it off, it is far better than wondering why the hell everyone is whispering behind your back or (worse) knowing why the hell everyone is whispering and wishing they'd stop. Best that everyone is in the know.

Ok, so I went on one such set-up several weeks ago. It was a quick after work happy hour, and the guy was nice and asked my colleague for my number. But I never heard from him. After a week, I figured he wasn't interested and forgot about it.

Fast forward three weeks. I get a text Monday night "Hey, this is ____ . I lost my phone and just got a new one, so this is my new number. Want to grab dinner sometime?" I am getting old, and my memory for names has always been terrible, but I have to admit that I stared at that text for at least 5 minutes before the synapses fired and I made the connection that it was the happy hour guy. He was nice enough so I wrote back that sure, we should go out. We make plans to meet the following Monday evening.

Not 10 hours after our date was set, I receive a 3 part text-novel saying that his relationship status has changed and it would be inappropriate for him to go out with me and that it wasn't planned and he hoped I didn't think he was a jerk. I replied, "Ok. Thanks for letting me know." Which apparently wasn't satisfying enough, because I got another 3 part text-novel saying that he's not the kind of guy that can date more than one girl and that he wished he'd met me sooner and blah, blah, blah. Like I care. The only good thing here is that nothing was invested so little can be lost!

who, us?

I met a friend for a drink last night. It was packed at the bar during the football game, but then cleared out a bit. There was a group of men sitting around the corner of the bar, and C decided they needed a little shake-up to their evening. She had the bartender anonymously send them shots of whiskey. My friend is a little more daring than me, so it's good to hang out with her. I think I could learn a thing or two.

At any rate, the guys thought that the whiskey came from the loud and more provocatively dressed girls sitting next to us, which was fine, because mostly we thought it was fun to do and hope that karma comes back to bless us some time. So maybe some day, someone will send us a drink. Cheers!

so things didn't work out so well, huh?

I opened my email this morning to find this message:

Hey Kate,

How have you been? How was your summer? If I remember correctly, you were going to Greece in August. How was that? I'm planning on going in September for my best friend's wedding.

Hope you had a great Thanksgiving!

I didn't automatically remember who the guy was, but in searching through my email history, I figured out it was this guy. The one who bailed on our second date at the last minute to see where things go with another woman.

Guess she wasn't the one.

Not sure I'm interested in responding. He was a nice guy - we had a pretty good first date. I wasn't completely sure this was a guy I was interested in, but was willing to give it a second try. But it doesn't feel awesome to be second choice. I guess I'll sleep on it.

Why did it have to be this guy who reconsidered, and not the one I wanted to? Figures.

this is it, I promise

Ok, so this is the last post I will spend ruminating over a guy who spent literally (and I'm using that word correctly here) 30 seconds deciding to end what all evidence was pointing to being a promising relationship and who despite telling me he holds me in the "highest regard" didn't respect me enough to even have a conversation about it. Yes, I know, move on. I will. But his douchebag behavior aside, I really liked him. I thought he was great. And I thought this was something special and I wish the guy would reconsider. I'm so pathetic. However, that might be motivated by the fact that I just don't want to keep dating new men.

This is how I feel:


To quote Charlotte's most famous line: "I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted! Where is he?!?"

I think I need new references. Is there something else besides SATC out there for us single women in our thirties?

Anyway.

Atlantic Monthly, specifically Kate Bolick, keeps telling me that marriageable men are on the decline, what with women getting more educated and fewer men going to college, and women making babies on their own, and the unemployment rate for men being pretty high, so it seems I may have missed my chance. Which according to Kate is just fine, even if her article that got tons of buzz really irritated me. I'll save my rant about her article for another time. Or not at all.

Seriously, I don't know what to do. The thought of going back on match.com makes me want to drink myself to death Amy Winehouse-style or move in with the Sisters of St. Joseph of Carondelet (who have pretty sweet digs on campus - btw). Who am I kidding. I can't drink like that and the Sisters would never have a doubting sinner like me. Slitting my wrists is an option, I suppose. It's bleak, I tell ya. Bleak. I had drinks with one (of my two) single girlfriends last night, and filled her in on the whole awful ordeal with the guy over shots of patron and chips at the 331. She'd been out of town and missed it when it happened. Sometimes it's nice to drown sorrows with someone who knows how awful it is out there.

I've done just about everything I can think of. I've done online - four different sites for several years. I've tried speed-dating multiple times. I joined that ridiculously expensive Events and Adventures. I know that these venues have worked for lots of people, and I have gone on many, many dates with men I've met these ways. I just can't seem to meet smart, interesting, ambitious men who aren't super arrogant that way. They are there, logic would tell me, I just can't find them. I did my church's singles group which was horrible and now I don't go to church so there's that. I've done different volunteering gigs over the years (though I suppose I could try that again), I joined a gym, and I am involved in activities, but orchestra is a dead end. I've done tons of Community Ed classes - cooking, dancing, writing, photography, car repair. Nothing. Book clubs aren't gonna get me any dates, and I'm thinking I might have to pare down if I'm going to join something else, but I do love my book clubs. I think I'm going to join a new running club that might be interesting because what else can I do, but I'm about as attractive when I run as a drowned rat, so I don't have high hopes. Work is a sea of women who don't know anyone to me up with. Everyone I know has been married a decade, and all their friends have been married a decade, so none of my friends have anyone to set me up with.

Cosmo magazine told me I should hang out in the Apple store, a weight room, or a Fortune 500 company. Seriously? A Fortune 500 Company? What do I do, sit in the lobby? Wander the halls? This is supposed to be helpful? YourTango says to go to weddings, ComicCon, or recovery meetings. Not joking. About.com claims that real men do actually use Craigslist. Yeah, the ones who want to murder women. Murderers, alcoholics, or gym rats. These are my options. Probably written by people who are married. It's so easy to tell someone, "Just go to the Apple store." It's so easy for someone who has never had to wade the murky, depressing waters of online dating, "But so many people meet that way now." I get it. But do you know how hard it is to be in your mid-thirties and still have to psych yourself up for yet another first date? And on the rare, rare occasion that it's a great date or two or ten, the guy breaks up with you anyway. I'm so tired.

There's not much more to say. I'm done whining for now. I know that in order to have a relationship, I have to go on more first dates. I had set as a resolution this year to do more dating, and I did it. I'm not ready to get back out there, not by a long shot. Not sure how to deal with this in my 2012 resolutions.

NaNoWriMo

It's National Novel Writing Month. I just realized this, and I've already missed out on 7 days of it. I think that over my 20 years of dating disasters, I have compiled enough fodder for a novel. I have one sketched out. Maybe this is the month I get down to work?

feeling crappy but trying to see the silver lining

If I feel good about one thing with the end of this relationship, it's that I found a way to tell him exactly what I was feeling. I don't always do that, so I'm glad I took an opportunity to confront him.

I didn't sleep at all after I got home Saturday night, scrubbing my kitchen clean of the mess I had made making food for his party. At one point around 3am I thought about going for a run, but logic took over and I realized that just after bar close the Saturday of Halloween was probably not the wisest time for a woman to go for a run by herself.

I texted the guy late morning on Sunday with a list of things I'd left at his house and told him he could drop them off on my front porch. And since his best friend had made me promise at least 15 times to give the guy the recipe for some cookies I had brought, I also texted that the recipe would be on the front porch. He responded that he'd be by later that afternoon.

As the day wore on, it was eating me up that I had been so caught off guard by the ending that I hadn't said anything when he ended it on Saturday night. Well, I muttered something about how I think it was unfair that he had invited me to his party to meet all his friends if he was just going to break up with me after he asked that ridiculous, "What do you think about that?" question when he dropped the "It's been great getting to know you, but don't want to date you any more" bomb.

Anyway, I decided that even if he didn't owe me an explanation, I deserved to be able to say something. So I waited for him to show up and accosted him on the porch.

I told him that even if he didn't owe me an explanation, he hadn't given me even the slightest indication that was how things were going to end that evening. No mixed signals since we started dating, only signals that all was a go. I told him that we had had a great Friday night and Saturday morning, that I had been excited to meet his friends and thought the evening had gone splendidly, and that I felt really foolish for having been there when he just dumped me. I told him that making out with someone and, a minute and a half later, breaking up with them is an asshole move and that then saying that you don't owe someone an explanation is an asshole line. I told him that seemed really out of character, which made things even more confusing. And to the comment about how we met, I said that yes, our introduction was more of a "meet-unconventional" than a "meet-cute," but seriously, how long does that really matter? And that I thought we were really enjoying each other's company and had a tremendous amount in common, both things we do and what we believe and value and how we live our lives, and that I thought there was something really promising and I was disappointed that it was ending so abruptly.

He said he understood why I would feel that it wasn't fair how he handled things on Saturday, and that he could only say that he's all in until it isn't working and then he ends it. [So apparently, he spent a whopping 90 seconds deciding the fate of our relationship, which makes me feel just awesomely extraordinary.] He said something about us maybe moving too fast, and then said he was sorry about the way it ended.

We stared at each other for a minute and then I think I thanked him for bringing my stuff over and I turned around and locked the door.

I went inside and in the bag of my stuff there was this note:


I think my favorite part of this is the "extra" in the last line. He didn't want to hurt me extra. Only the normal amount did he intend to hurt me. That and the fact that he dated it. As if I wouldn't know when he wrote it. Or as if I'd want to keep it forever to look back on fondly.

I do recognize that he didn't have to write me a note when he dropped my stuff off. But there's no way out of this one dude. You can't make up for dick behavior with a daisy card.

I had mostly been mad all day. Actually, I was sort of shocked most of it mixed with anger at times. After he left, I was just sad. I disintegrated to a puddle for an hour or so, took a hot shower and met some dear friends for a drink. After not sleeping a wink on Saturday, I fell dead asleep and felt much better today. Not all better. I still don't think I can keep doing this. But I feel more human. Trying to be thankful it wasn't six months from now when he did this. Better now than later, and though that doesn't make me feel better exactly, I'm trying to look on the bright side.

A friend and my sister over pedicures and dinner tonight decided that because this whole situation is so weird and awful, that I should just pick a reason it ended and stick to it. I won't ever know why, so there's little point trying to figure out what I could have done differently. I honestly can't think of a thing I would do differently. So the story we decided on was that he has a lot of baggage and freaked out about a relationship with someone great that might get serious. It's a pretty cliche thing that girls tell each other at the end of relationships a-la "He's just not that into you," and I don't actually think that's the reason, but who knows? And it makes me feel better than thinking that it's because I'm too fat or not pretty enough or I said something wrong or I'm not interesting enough or his friends didn't like me.

I'll be fine. I'm not sure it's worth it to keep putting myself out there. I feel like this was maybe my shot at a relationship with a perfect guy (who, yes, turned into an asshole at the end, but otherwise was awesome) and that I blew it. I just don't have much faith that there is anyone out there for me.

But I'll be fine.

what the fuck?

had a great friday night. met the guy for a run, hung out in the hot tub, had some fun. then made dinner. had more fun. went to his halloween party saturday night, met his friends. stole away moments to make out. all was great. made out after everyone left.

and then he said he didn't want to date me any more. asked me what i thought about that (what is there to say?), and said he needed to listen to his gut. he said he was thrown off by how we met and gave me a lot of credit for going with it. he said that didn't have anything to do with not wanting to see me though. then he said since we hadn't been going out very long he didn't owe me an explanation. i picked up my clothes from his floor, grabbed the plates i had brought over with food and left.

confused. hurt. embarrassed i got so excited about this one.

seriously don't think i can keep doing this.

checking in

Lots has been going on over here. Feeling a need to catch up.

First, I'm not going to lie, the marathon was disappointing. Not a surprising disappointment given the ups and downs of my training, but disappointing nonetheless. I was hoping I'd feel great. I did, for the first 18 miles. By mile 20, some doubt crept in and I couldn't push it out. My knees were killing me, as were my feet, and I started to lag behind the pacer I was staying with and walk a bit. Thank goodness for a dear friend at 20.5 who ran/walked close to a mile with me, chattering the whole time and boosting my confidence. So thankful for the friends and family between 21-23, which is the hardest part of a marathon for me. Got a second wind and was able to cross the finish going strong. Stopped my garmin running 7:50 pace at the end, and cursed about where that was in 20-22. But it just makes me think I DO have a faster marathon in me. As opposed to last time, I finished thinking, "Ok, when's the next one?" Hungry for more. Took a week off and slowly getting back into it. First run was wretched, but starting to feel better now.

Second, work is kicking my butt. I'm happy with what I'm doing, but having a hard time staying afloat. What else is new? I was observed today for faculty review by the chair of the department. She had lots of lovely things to say afterwards, so taking that as a good sign.

Lastly, things are progressing splendidly with the new boy. We have complicated schedules (he splits custody of his two daughters and with my evening classes and orchestra, our schedule doesn't sync well), so we don't get a ton of time to see each other, but we're making it work. I could share lots, but will narrow to one story. Last week I snuck out of work for a bit to meet him for lunch. He asked about my music background and in the course of the conversation I told him about this piece that I love that I played for my junior recital. When he was over last night, he asked if I had the piano part to the piece. He wants to learn it so we can play together.

Melt my heart.

Since I have gone on a date with a guy who, upon telling him I play violin, actually responded, "Ew. Why?" this was an unbelievable improvement. While I never needed a guy who was a musician himself, I've always looked for a guy who "gets" my commitment and passion for making music and won't complain if he has to occasionally go to a concert of mine. Maybe I've found it? It's still early, but really happy right now.

date update

I am excited to report that the second date went really well. I was nervous because I'm nervous about 60% of my waking hours, and also because my sister really wants this to work out. No pressure. We met for dinner at a fancy downtown sushi restaurant and then went to another fancy restaurant for dessert.

I had a bit of a fashion crisis because it was kinda warm yesterday but it is still definitely fall. I wasn't ready to put on a corduroy skirt, but it is decidedly past summer sundress time. I had an outfit all picked out until a friend texted "have fun tonight. show some cleavage." My outfit did not show cleavage. So then I went back to the drawing board. In the end, the dress I picked out was a little more summery than fallish, but I'm guessing he didn't care.

We talked easily for hours. I laughed a lot. We're both excited and nervous to run the marathon on Sunday. He'll finish well before I do, but he wants to stay to cheer me in.

I stayed out way too late for a school night and I'm paying for it today. But it was worth it.

how long does it take to learn, if ever?

I have been dating near 20 years, and I still don't know how to figure out the who-communicates-when and how-available-are-you dances.

I went on a pretty good date this weekend. I enjoyed it. Think he's a nice guy. Want to go out again. But do I email? Call? Text? Wait for him to communicate?

It was left with a "this was great. talk to you later." and a hug at the end of said blind date. Hard to tell what that meant. So by early evening today, I was in a bit of a tizzy over what to do. Had an email draft ready to go to send after class.

But I didn't need to, cuz there was one waiting for me when I got done with class. We're going out again. This is good.

More details when there are some...

spell check

On my online dating profile, I list my minimal qualifications:

1. Can you name three states and their capitals?
2. Can you tie your shoes and talk at the same time?
3. Have you finished a book since middle school?

Of course, I'm being silly with these, but it provides an easy way for potential suitors to initiate an email response. I have such a hard time figuring how to start out an email to a stranger, and figured guys do too. So I help them out a bit.

I recently got an email from a guy who wrote:


Let's see... Minnesota - M, Wisconsin - W, Iowa - I. I love that youre a prof and I caught this!




(emphasis in original). He included the "spell-check" graphic. And the missing apostrophe was his. Clearly, he thought I had misspelled "capital," and that I should have had "three states and their capitols" on my profile. Which is wrong.

I wrote back, "I'm not sure what you 'caught.' A word used in more than one way? I can do that too. You say you like to run. For what? Park board? Senate?"

He wrote back an email espousing all his levels of education and that in fact he never learned that "capital" meant currency, letters, AND cities and that "capitol" was used solely for buildings. Then he went on to tell me all about his running and that in fact he was on his condo board and blah blah blah. I should have been more clear that I didn't actually care about the questions I asked. So I responded:

"Look, I wasn't asking those questions to encourage any more communication. The kind of person whose initial response is to point out others' errors is not the kind of person I would choose to spend any time with, particularly a partner. This is made all the more pathetic because what led you to believe you were so superior was, in fact, wrong. Perhaps you should take this into consideration in future correspondence with women on this site. I'll bet you won't get far being sarcastic, superior, and ignorant."

Harsh, I know. And I was pretty sarcastic in my two emails; fight fire with fire I guess. I probably shouldn't have engaged at all. But I got pretty worked up about a guy thinking that his was the kind of initial email that would make women interested in him. It didn't matter that he was wrong. (Ok, it kind of did). What mattered was that the first thing he thought to do was to point to fault.

Next!

I was gearing up for a second date tonight, but got an email this morning that, in fact, the guy has decided to see where things go with another woman. I use this line a lot when I want to easily let someone down that I know isn't right for me but don't want to say that outright. So I guess it could be true, or it could be a line. Either way, that road is a dead end. I wasn't sure if it would go anywhere, but I was interested in seeing it out.

So I've got a bit of a bruised ego. But know I'll never find anyone if I don't keep putting myself out there. It just seems to get harder and harder the older I get.

another one bites the dust

So remember the first first date from two weeks ago, the one who kind of freaked me out with all his fears about why he's single and that he doesn't know how to date? I do admit that it may be refreshing to have someone open up like that, but it made me uncomfortable. And I know that if I did that to a guy within the first 20 minutes of a date, he'd likely make the fastest excuse to get out of there and would never call me again. We've all seen SATC. Just sayin. But I am starting to be more willing to give these things a second chance, since first dates can generally be pretty awkward, and it is good to see if there's something there once the dust settles.

I emailed to thank him for dinner. [though I know some guys want to be chivalrous or whatever, I really prefer not to let the guy pay on a first date. But he seriously started to argue with me and it just wasn't worth a scene.] I got a reply from him saying he too had a nice time and that he'd like to see me again. He then proposed three dates. Not options for our second date, but the dates and events for the next three dates we'd go on. He also wanted to book me for something he had going on in July. I appreciate his enthusiasm, and I suppose if I were really excited about him this might not be weird and overzealous? But seriously, can we just see how date #2 goes before we start booking up the rest of the summer??

I agreed to one of the dates, and then over the weekend realized that I'd confirmed for Monday and I have photography class on Monday so I had to cancel. He said that was fine and asked if I wanted to go to a movie on Wednesday, and then a cooking class on Friday night, and then on Saturday go to the Twin Cities Jazz Festival. Again, not three options for our second date, but with the thinking that we'd do all three. Now, these are good ideas. But again, could we just plan a second date, and not have to plan #3, #4, and #5 too? A simple "or" is all he needed instead of "and." Maybe that was a mistake. But that's what he wrote.

Also, over the course of the last two days, he's sent me three emails with possible names for his new business for some feedback, asking for some advice on his business plan, and ideas for his next vacation.

Too much, dude. Too much.

I'm probably looking for reasons not to go out with this guy again because our first date was filled with so many awkward silences. Like I said, if I had left with a little more excitement (like I did with the second first date from last week), I probably wouldn't get freaked out by the over-enthusiasm. But I wasn't excited and now I'm annoyed too.

Next.

encouraging, at least

I knew I had it in me. A first date that was actually enjoyable. I'm not sure this guy is a right match for me, but we hit it off initially. Conversation flowed the entire time. I laughed a lot. I recovered well from a near disaster when I showed up to the NE Bulldog instead of the Uptown Bulldog. The error was all my fault, and I don't have a good excuse for it. Just spaced. And wasn't terribly excited either. But he took it in stride and seemed like a really good guy. Hopefully we'll go out again.

The only wrench in the system is that I think I might be interested in someone else. Someone I've already dated briefly and it didn't work out at the time. I think it was just really bad timing. I'm not sure I'm ready to spill the story over the internets. But at this point, I can't tell if I just like him, or if I like him like him. Oh, so middle school. Should I send him a note folded into a star with a check box?

"to be honest...

... I don't really know what I'm doing when it comes to dating." I'm not sure what the appropriate response is when a guy tells you this mid-way through your first date. We'd already exhausted his, "so how's your match.com experience been?" question, which I am always surprised to be asked on a first date. It's not like I need to ignore how we met, it just seems a little weird to talk about other dates when you're on a first date. I don't know.

Anyway, after a 3 minute stream-of-consciousness monologue about his ineptitude in dating, I wasn't sure if I was supposed to affirm that he was doing fine? Or commiserate? Honestly, maybe I don't know what I'm doing either. But again, maybe not first date talk?

Regardless, I'm proud that I put myself out there tonight. And it wasn't all that bad. In fact, I might go out with him again.

awkward

A colleague of mine has spent the school year singing the praises of a fellow professor. He's in another department, and my colleague thinks we'd be a great couple. Probably because we're both single.

A couple weeks ago, she arranged a set-up under the guise of a regular old happy hour. I was excited for the happy hour, as I was looking forward to meeting some folks outside my department, and this was the first social gathering (department or not) of the year. For me, at least. I was not as excited about the set-up, especially considering that everyone there knew it was a set-up save the guy involved.

Clearly, these colleagues trying to set me up have been paired off for a really long time and have no idea how to organize a decent set up. Man, was it ever uncomfortable. There were about 10 people there, and when prof in question arrived a little later than the others and was at the other end of the table, I could overhear my colleague scheming to get us sitting next to each other. People started orchestrating all sorts of moves until I was across from prof in question. But I could still overhear folks chirping about how it was going and feeding prof in question with all sorts of stupid info about me. I felt like I was in a fishbowl and simply could not focus on carrying on a decent conversation.

He seemed fine, really. A vegan, which is complicated. But he was interesting enough. But really, even my own prince charming likely wouldn't have made an impression because I was hyperaware of the awkwardness.

Next.