2013 books.

Apparently, I forgot to publish this last week. But here it is anyway.

As in 2012 and 2011 and 2010, I wanted to review the books I read in 2013. As I got ready to write this, I thought about how little I read this year. I think I've said this every year, but I mean it this year, I need to read more for pleasure. Bolds are my favorites:

Tell the Wolves I'm Home by Carol Rifka Brunt
America: The Book by Jon Stewart
A Week in Winter by Maeve Binchy
Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell
The Lowland by Jhumpa Lahiri
Insurgent by Veronica Roth
The Tiger's Wife by Tea Obreht
How Children Succeed by Paul Tough
Austenland by Shannon Hale
Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan
The Radleys by Matt Haig
Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel
Take the Cannoli by Sarah Vowell
The Art of Fielding by Chad Harbach
Where'd You Go Bernadette? by Maria Semple
Just Kids by Patti Smith
Living History by Hillary Rodham Clinton
Traveling with Pomegranates by Sue Monk Kidd
Divergent by Veronica Roth
River of Doubt by Candice Millard
The One and Only Ivan by Katherine Appelgate
Flight Behavior by Barbara Kingsolver
Beautiful Ruins by Jess Walter
The Chaperone by Laura Moriarty
Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
The Snow Child by Eowyn Ivey

2013: year (of stupid) in review

2013 was a bad year for my blog. I'm not sure why, but I just wasn't motivated to write. I've had a couple of tough terms at work, and I've been running lots this year, and then there's the boyfriend, but I should have written more. I have big plans for 2014. Big. Ok, not really, but I do plan to blog more. In the mean time, here's my 2013.

Running:
I ran two marathons, including a Boston Qualifier (though we all know how well that turned out). One of these marathons, Philadelphia, was a dumb decision, but ran with my boyfriend which salvaged the otherwise terrible race. Ok, a 3:50 is not terrible, but it felt terrible. I also PRed at the half marathon distance and at the 10 mile distance at the TC 10 mile in October. Joined by running team friends, I completed 2 Ragnar relays - one in Florida and one here. I ran about 350 more miles this year than last, but I also biked about a 1000 times and swam 1000 times more than ever before. Because...

Triathlon:
I completed a half ironman triathlon in Raleigh NC in June. Which was maybe my most favorite race experience ever. I felt awesome the whole time, which probably means I didn't race hard enough, but I don't care because I beat my goal and had a hell of a good time. And to get there I...

Roadtrip:
Drove 3700 miles on a fabulous east coast road trip. I visited a ton of friends and family and had just the best three weeks ever. Part of the reason I was so excited for this road trip was...

Work:
I had kind of a tough year at work. We had some serious illnesses and we lost one colleague to cancer in the spring. There were a few coworkers who weren't really pulling their weight. But we got some new colleagues for this academic year and work is a ton more fulfilling. I still have a nasty teaching load, but I'm happier about it. Maybe due to...

Life:
My new boyfriend is just the sweetest thing ever. Not sure where it is leading, but I don't have to and I'm having lots of fun in the mean time. It is helping while I'm preoccupied over...

Family:
My dad's health is not great right now. My sis and I were a little surprised to see dad over Christmas and hear about the latest health scares. We think it will be ok, but every time another thing happens, we wonder if it will be the last thing. Not fun.I'm glad my sis is moving back to the Cities. Not that Hibbing is SO far away, but far enough.

There are other things. I started the year with a dumb jump in a frozen lake in -5 degree weather. My orchestra gave a couple of outstanding concerts, including playing Shostakovich's 5th Symphony, one of my favorite pieces of all time in one of my most proud musical moments ever. I gave a keynote address at a conference and didn't pass out from nerves. I did this insane Body Composition Challenge at my weightlifting gym, Discover Strength and lost some weight but mostly gained strength and confidence. I traveled to Chicago to cheer for Doug in the marathon, and he ran a great PR, 2:47:27. Nutty.

All in all, a good year.

shameless self-promotion

On urging from my boyfriend and teammates, I entered PowerBar's contest to win an entry into the 2014 Boston Marathon. I am a little reluctant, as I've mentioned before, I want to run because I earned my way in. And I hate contests. But I wrote an essay and decided to give it a go.

Planning to be there to cheer regardless, but would be especially nice if I was there running...

https://www.facebook.com/PowerBar?sk=app_183837888454522&ref=ts
search for Kate K in Minneapolis and vote every day until Nov 11.

Bridget pulls through again

I'm giving the keynote address at a conference next Friday. I've been thinking about this talk since late August when I was asked. But I haven't exactly written it. I'm working on it this weekend, and needed to channel my dissertation writing mojo - you know, what helped me write and revise 400 pages in 6 weeks. I decided I needed a little Bridget Jones to help me get focused and working. Once again, whatever it is about that movie, I got to work and have my slides completed. Can't say the talk is completely finished, but I'm a heck of a lot farther than I was before I popped the DVD into the player.

one way to get kids to read...

... is to tell them they aren't allowed to.

I have been pretty fired up about the news that broke a couple weeks ago about the Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell book banning in Anoka-Hennepin schools. I happened upon an article about it on The Toast after it was linked on FB by some writer "friends." The book was a recommended by the Anoka-Hennepin librarians as part of a voluntary summer reading initiative, and was supposed to conclude with a visit by Rainbow Rowell in the fall.

That led me to read the formal complaint on the Parents Action League website. Which led me to realize that ONE parent objected to the content of the book, listing the profanity as obscene and labeled the book pornography. The main characters, high school students, are bullied by people who swear a lot, and these characters fall in love, make out, and talk about but do not have sex. Porn at its best. The parent and her husband wrote a report, rallied the troops, and managed to get the author visit cancelled in the district, and requested the book be pulled from all library shelves in the high schools and to formally discipline the librarians for recommending this "profanity." As far as I can tell, the book hasn't yet been pulled and the disciplinary action is still being reviewed. But it's hard to follow the latest in the story.

You can read about the situation at NPR and Book Riot and CBLDF and an Omaha newspaper.

My author-crush John Green had given the book a gushing review in the NYT back in March, so it's been on my to-read list since then. But, like most of my friends, my to-read list is a mile and half long and growing, so I hadn't gotten to it yet. But I read it over the weekend after the news broke, just to see what all the fuss was about.

It is a great book. I loved it. The way Rowell captures these two complex teens is touching and funny and interesting. I'll admit that the hand-holding scenes are hot - which, isn't that supposed to be the way it is for high school students? But pornography? No freaking way. I loved these two authentic characters, many calling them misfits, but they are just themselves. And bullied for it.

The only good thing to come out of this is that apparently book holds have gone up on the book, and a number of local TC organizations are coming together to schedule a visit with Rainbow Rowell, so that those students that loved the book can have an opportunity to hear her speak. Hopefully, all this buzz will get many many teens to read this beautiful story.

rejected

Though it wasn't surprising, I was still really sad to get my reject email from Boston yesterday. It happened just as predicted, that in fact one needed -1:38 under their qualifying time to actually get in. There had been a glimmer of hope based on the notification we had received last Friday, but the hope only made it worse when the news broke on Facebook. My "every cloud" feeling from last week is clearer today than yesterday, but it was still really sad to get the final no.

I've had about enough of the people who are "helping" by telling me (and the other 2,975 that didn't make the cut) that we should just "train harder" and "get faster." As if I haven't been trying. I was just kidding all this time. Run faster? Oh shit! I didn't know that's all I had to do! I wish I had known that at TCM 2011. And Grandma's 2012. Oh, yeah, and that might have helped, if I had only run faster at Sioux Falls. Glad someone told me. I'll try that next time.

In a humbling realization, I determined that part of my frustration over this whole thing is that I'm usually pretty good at setting high but reasonable goals and then achieving them through lots of hard work. This was an instance in which hard work did not pay off. And that perhaps my goal is not reasonable. I have to decide what this means for my running.

I think I'm going to have to avoid Facebook, twitter, and blogs from mid-February until April 25ish, since I don't think I can handle watching my newsfeeds fill up with training updates, expo pics, and race posts for Boston (again) this year.

I think the hardest thing is that I don't know what to do next. Without Boston as a goal, I don't know what to do. Feeling very unmotivated and having a hard time lacing up my running shoes.

Better today but still sad. And lost.


[This is all stated with the understanding that in the scheme of things, in light of many tragedies happening in the world, this is small potatoes. There are far worse things going on, and this is an indulgent hobby and hardly counts as a problem. I get it. I'm still sad.]

every cloud

I haven't quite identified the silver lining of the whole Boston thing. I think that it might take some time, and perhaps it will not happen until I get the official word I'm not running it. But regardless, I am feeling 100% better about it. I am not sure how that happened, but after my pathetic pity-party on Tuesday, I woke up on Wed with a new perspective on the whole thing. Would I still love to run Boston? Absolutely! But it just isn't worth feeling bad about any more. I just can't think about it every day, the way I have for the last 3 years as I've worked to get faster. I just don't want to have this be how I determine my success as a runner any more.

Feeling zen about whatever happens next week. Maybe the BAA will have a shocking announcement. But if not, I'll settle on a new goal and everything will be great.

feeling discouraged

Though I haven't received my official "You're a loser" email from the BAA indicating that my qualifying time won't allow me in this year's race, the news today secures my status as "good enough to qualify, but not good enough to get in." 7500 submissions for 5000 spots. So, roughly 1/3 more apps than spaces left. I'm guessing that people need -1:40 to get in, which is 42 seconds faster than I was. So last year I missed by :45, this year :42. Improvement (she thinks, incredibly bitterly).

Though I could whine about the situation (ok, I will for a minute), about the heat and humidity, the fact that by every account the course was at least .22 long (which would be close to :90 seconds for my pace and would have given me enough of a cushion to make it in), that the year I finally qualify happens to fall on the year that everyone else that has ever even put on a pair of running shoes wants to be there, it doesn't change the fact that I just wasn't fast enough. I didn't make it happen.

To be honest, the arbitrariness of this qualifying but still not being fast enough thing has made Boston lose a bit of its luster. Maybe I'm just not going to be a good enough runner to wear the blue and yellow. And maybe that doesn't really mean as much as it used to. This isn't to say that if by some miracle the BAA changes something and I end up with a spot I wouldn't be excited to be going. I just don't think it has to be what defines me as a runner any more, the way that it has for years as a non-qualifier.

A few people have suggested I raise money to run as a charity runner. But I don't want to run it just to run it. I earned a spot in the race, and I'm not going there to wear a charity bib and start in the charity corral and have qualifiers look disdainfully at me because my charity spot meant that their spouse or teammate or sister didn't get in the race even though they qualified. At one point I thought about going out to cheer - to celebrate being a runner. And though many of my friends will be there, I don't think my psyche can handle that. I wish I could be a bigger person. I'm just not.

I'm definitely in the post-race blues, made worse by this whole craptastic situation. I need a new goal, I think, and one that doesn't revolve around a BQ. I might still run marathons, and maybe I'll get faster, but maybe running Boston doesn't mean as much if qualifiers still don't get in. Maybe next year if I happen to decide to run another marathon and get a faster time I'll decide differently about the whole thing. Who knows. But in the mean time, I need something else to focus on. I'm driving myself crazy without a goal.

Sioux Falls race report

I'm having a bit of a hard time knowing what to think of this race. It seems silly to debate - I PRed and got a Boston qualifying time. But as registration is way ahead of normal for next April's race this week, it's looking really really unlikely I'll get to be in Boston on Patriot's Day. A BQ doesn't mean a whole lot unless you get to run. And the blue and yellow jacket.

The day before the race, every "good luck" text I got was something about how awful the weather was looking and whether I was going to just run it easy and to be careful and run safe and be smart. I appreciate the reminders to be careful, but mostly these texts did nothing but mess with my confidence. It was good to meet coach and his wife along with the only other team member still running the race (several decided not to run due to injuries or the weather). Steph (coach's wife) in particular helped me set that all aside and refocus. She told me about watching a story about Diana Nyad, who kept thinking throughout her swim and things would go wrong, "Find a way." I decided this would be a perfect mantra for me for this race.

And the weather lived up to what a September marathon in South Dakota promises - hot, humid, and windy. Of course I hoped for an anomaly, but knew when I signed up it would likely be less than favorable conditions. It was 70 degrees and 93% humidity at the start of the race, which is about 30 degrees warmer than I'd choose for marathon race start. The course included rolling hills for the first 8 miles and no shade until mile 16. The wind was strong - up to 15 mi/hr - but the heat and humidity is what did me in.

By mile 7, I knew my A goal (3:29) was not realistic and even thought by B goal (3:35) wasn't going to be attained. By 14, I knew for sure that my new A goal was anything under 3:40. The guy I'm dating jumped into the race with me at about 14.5 and though I didn't articulate my new plan, he could tell I was struggling. He's a 2:50 marathoner, so my pace was a walk in the park for him. He helped me navigate the water stops and generally be positive. I kinda thought I'd get annoyed at some point having someone run with me, but it was really helpful the whole time.

I had to gut out those last 7 miles. At one point, around mile 21, I moaned out loud. I kept recalculating what I needed to make sure I didn't miss 3:40 by seconds. Again. I knew it was going to be close, and had to fight hard. Find a way. Prove you want it. Dig deep. These were the phrases cycling through my head.

And I did (mostly) find a way. I did (kind of) prove it. And I really did dig deep. I missed my goal by 10 minutes, but many other runners on Sunday missed theirs by much more. Coach missed his goal by over 15 minutes, and my teammate missed hers by 45.

So a bittersweet result. I guess there's still a chance for a miracle that there are spots left after this week. I'm not holding my breath. I guess I need to figure out a new goal and find something to do next spring.

in need of inspiration.

I'm feeling a little un-blog-spired lately. Finding a way to follow up my 70.3 and massive road trip has left me without much to say this summer. Maybe I'll set the bar low and start blogging about what I'm eating or just whine about how hard it is to train for a marathon in the heat of summer. At least I'd get back at it.

18 days, 15 states, 3700 miles

The main reason that 2013 was dubbed "The Year of Stupid" was my decision to sign up for a 70.3 before I'd done a single triathlon. Stupid. Not only did I sign up for this massive race, I did so in a state very far away, requiring a lengthy drive (or plane ticket and the cost to ship my bike). As long as I was driving to NC, why not visit my friends and family up the east coast too? Stupid. So began the road trip to end all road trips.

Here was my route:

Stops included:

1. Champaign, IL
2. Columbus, OH
3. Durham, NC
4. Washington DC
5. Shrewsbury, MA
6. Tenafly & Leonia NJ
7. Toledo, OH

I hardly took any pictures on my trip. I decided I'd rather be in the moment than behind a lens. And it was incredible.

I had a rough year at work, and I needed to "run away" for a while. This trip ended up being exactly what I needed - not so stupid after all.

Hoping the rest of summer can continue to help me recover from the year and get if not excited, at least ready, for next year.

race report: Raleigh 70.3

What an incredible day I had yesterday! Definitely one of my highest moments as an athlete.

I got to NC on Thursday evening, and spent Friday at the expo and swimming in the lake for the race course. The expo was smaller than I expected, but that just meant less for me to spend money on. But don't worry, I still bought more Raleigh Ironman 70.3 gear than I need. The bummer was that there wasn't an athlete briefing that day, so I had to go back on Saturday. So on Saturday I heard all the rules and found out that since the water was 80 degrees, it wasn't going to be wetsuit legal. Which was fine because I only had the one open water swim in a wetsuit from Friday in my training. After the briefing, I went out to T1 to leave my bike.

The course was a point-to-point, which meant there were two transitions. This made an already nerve-wracking experience even more so. We had to check in our bikes the night before and then leave them there. It was good, though, because then I saw the swim course laid out (the lake was really big, and we weren't allowed to swim in the spot where the course was, so I had done my swim on Friday in another area of the lake). The swim seemed tough but do-able. There were a lot of really, really nice bikes out there alongside my 25 year old hand-me-down.

Sunday morning I got up at 3:15 am and got ready to go. I got down to T2 around 4:45, laid out my run gear, and hopped a bus to take me out to T1. I closed my eyes and tried to tune out how long and hilly the ride was, knowing I'd be biking some of that in a few hours. We made it to T1 and I laid out my bike stuff. T1 closed at 6:45 and then the waiting began. My wave didn't hit the water until 8:10, so I had some time to kill. There were not enough portapotties, so waiting in that line ate up about 40 minutes. I sat on the grass for a while, but couldn't bring myself to watch the earlier waves. I was really nervous and kept yawning like crazy and was afraid if I watched how long the swim was, I would psych myself out. Finally it was time to get in line.

The swim start was in the water, so we waited until the wave was off and then took to the water. For most people, they could stand in the starting area but I was too short and had to tread water. Oh, and turned out they decided to make it wetsuit legal, but I had already gotten my head around not using a wetsuit, so I opted to swim without it.
 

The first 500 yards were crowded, but the water was fine and breathing went well. When we turned the corner for the long part of the course, the water was super choppy and I hydrated well swallowing mouthfuls when I meant to take a breath. Near the second turn it got crowded again, as I caught up to some slower swimmers from earlier waves, and I took a kick to the chin that cause me to bite my tongue. I would have benefited from some more open-water training, but I finished in 49:18, which was right about the time I thought it would take me.

I decided to take my time in bike transition to make sure I had everything set before I left. I ate a little, somehow got my calf sleeves on my wet legs, and headed out. Some of my nerves were settled, but I was still pretty nervous for this bike course.

The first 5 miles were tough, a set of uphills with a few flat places. I hit my stride from 6-11, and from 11-12.5 was one, long, steep uphill that was pretty awful.  It was rolling through 40 with some good flat sections, and then the last 15 were grueling - a series of constant rolling hills so you couldn't get settled in a pace.  The bike course was beautiful, though, despite the hills and wind (16 mph, with gusts up to 25 mph) and loneliness - there were not a lot of spectators. My cousins were at mile 39, exactly where I needed a boost. It was great fun to see them out there.

I averaged about 15.5 mph on the bike, which was my fastest long ride to date on the toughest course I've ridden. And I really had to hold back, so I know I had more in me. I wanted to save my legs for the run, especially since it was heating up fast and I knew the run would be tough. Overall, a 3:35:18 ride.

I took my time again in transition, used the bathroom and drank a little extra water. I found out that bodyglide melts into a hot greasy mess in the sun, and it exploded all over me when I opened it up. I'm glad I didn't get burned! So I had to run without any and prayed for no bad chaffing.

The run course started uphill, low and slow, for the first 5 or so miles. But since it was an out-and-back, I knew I'd get to finish on those hills running downhill. The course was through downtown Raleigh and then onto a paved trail through a college campus and by some museums. It was really lovely. The downtown was really hot and I felt like I was baking on the blacktop, but some of the trail section was shaded. It was 85 by this time.

The thing about this run, though, was that I felt really good and passed a couple hundred people. I couldn't believe how many people walked most of the race. I think I was passed twice early on when I walked through an aid station, but I think I ended up passing them both later on. I stopped counting people around mile 5 with 100 passed. I saw my cousins again on a loop section in the middle so I passed them twice. It was great to give the boys high-fives and get a boost heading into the finish.

I felt so good, and was really glad I had been conservative on the bike and in the first half of the run. I walked through the aid stations and part of two of the hills in the middle. But otherwise, I was steady the whole run, keeping around 9:30 pace which averaged out to around 10:20 with the walking through aid stations. At mile 10 with a 5k left, I decided to see what I had left and hit the gas. I was flying down the last few miles, and felt so awesome. My last mile was 7:15 pace! I was fast enough that my cousins missed me at the finish, which they were bummed about, but I was flying so high it didn't make a difference to me.

All in all, I am really proud of my training and feel lucky that I had a good day. My nutrition plan worked flawlessly for me which was one of the things I was most nervous about. Staying fueled and hydrated is essential when active for 6:44:53. I finished in almost the top half (52%) and was thrilled to cross the finish line.

My goal was to finish, but if I was honest, I wanted to finish in under 7 and still be running at the finish. I did it!

hitting the open road

Tomorrow I embark on my summer adventure. 3200 miles in 3 weeks. All in the name of a half ironman I'm attempting next Sunday. I'm super nervous and super excited. Exactly how I should feel before this craziness begins.

I'll update from the road.

one for the books

I had ambitious, anxiety-causing workouts planned this weekend. I'm 5 weeks (to the day) from the HIM, and I made the mistake of trolling forums and blogs about triathlon training last week. See, I got my Athlete Guide and there are so many rules, and I started to flip out once again that I am not ready to be fast enough to make the cut-off times.

Anyway, I had planned a tough set of workouts before the freak-out, so I didn't change course. I just felt that there was more riding on them to go well.

The week was tiring, with work and a couple tough swim and run workouts. So I headed into Saturday a little fatigued. But I rode one of my fastest 20 mile rides followed by my longest brick run of 10 miles to date. And I finished feeling ok. Worried about Sunday, but that was two meals and a sleep away.

Sunday I woke up a little tired, but ready to get the party started. Ran 10.75 miles with a running team buddy, inhaled some eggs and toast at Longfellow, and set off for a 48.5 mile ride. Had company for about 28 of it, which was awesome. Headed out to hillier Wayzata and Hopkins, as I need to get some practice on hills. And when I got home, ran another 1.5 miles to see how my nutrition plan worked. I've had some not-so-good runs post-ride because of nutrition issues, so it was great to have a successful run post-ride. I finished feeling ok. Not even too fatigued. I'll for sure be sore tomorrow, and I'll be ready for bed at 6:45 prolly. But have a post-workout high that only comes from working hard.

After this weekend, I have 2 more tough weeks of workouts before I start my taper. Feeling more and more ready as the date approaches. I'll still be scared out of my mind when I toe up to the starting line. But excited to be scared of this race!

#runforboston

There isn't anything I can say that hasn't been said already.

It seems so crazy and trivial now that I spent the weekend feeling sorry for myself that I didn't make it to Boston this year. But like thousands of runners out there, my resolve to run that hallowed race is even stronger now (which probably means it will be even harder to get into, but I'll keep at it until I do).

It's times like this that I've even more thankful for my running team. We joined together with other runners at the Edina track last night at 9 pm for a short run in honor of those lost and injured on Monday. It was a start to healing to hug friends, especially those back from running Boston.

Boston, we run for you.

running down a dream

If I'm being perfectly honest, the main reason I signed up for the stupid 70.3 I'm doing in June despite the fact that I'm not a triathlete is that I needed something to occupy my mind in the spring so I wasn't constantly thinking about how sad I am not to be headed to Boston. And it worked. Until this week when my FB newsfeed is a constant series of posts about Boston weather and tapering and now pics from the expo. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled for my friends that are there. I'm also really sad that I'm not.

 

Virginia Beach Half

A seaside race should be nicer than this was. Cold, cold, cold, and windy, windy, windy.

The trip to VB was a disaster from the get-go. On the mile walk to the lightrail in the sleet Friday morning, I slipped on some ice into a huge puddle, leaving my jeans, coat, shoes, and socks a sopping wet mess. When I got to the airport, the security lady gave me a hard time because my pants were wet. What exactly did she think the threat was there? That I had soaked myself in some sort of poison and I was going to wring it out on someone in the plane? Anyway, after I showed her my skinned knee and sprained finger she let me go.

On the layover in Detroit, I somehow lost my phone between flights. Looked everywhere. One of my running buds on the flight with me kept calling the phone, with no luck. As we were leaving Detroit, he got a call from airport police that my phone had been found, they got his number off my phone since he kept calling it, and to come pick it up. Unfortunately, we were already seated on the plane, and my friends still in Detroit on a later flight couldn't get it because they didn't have my password. But at least the phone was found. (I ended up changing my flight on the way back so I could layover in Detroit. Took a cab from the airport to the police station, got the phone back, and made it back to the airport in plenty of time before my next flight. Worked out ok, but what a dumb waste of time and money that was!)

When we arrived in Norfolk, I went to pick up my rental. I was so proud of myself for securing an $8 a day deal and paying up front. Unfortunately, Enterprise had "no record" of my payment, and then proceeded to charge me quadruple what I had booked at. I was so crabby by this point, I just paid.

Bad luck followed me all weekend, but luckily come race morning, things looked up. But not at first.

When we woke up, it was 35 with 15-20 mph winds, which sucks. And even though the entire half I was jealous of those running the full, I was also glad that Sunday was not my marathon race day. The wind was mostly from the side, but it was still exhausting to run through and made it hard to breathe. I was fine, but I felt for the marathoners.

The race started 15 minutes late, which is a long time to wait when it is that cold. I am very glad I had run out to buy garbage bags the day before so we had at least a little something extra on to protect us.

My race plan was to do a mini-marathon strategy. Start out around 8:30 pace and gradually get faster. I wanted to end at around 7:30 pace for the last miles. I know I can run faster than this for a half marathon, but I wanted to be conservative because of the hip pain I've had lately. In all, I dropped pace every two miles, and my last mile and a half was around 7:05 pace. At the end, I was running 6:45 pace, which is faster than my 5k time, so I feel good about that. What it really means is that I didn't run fast enough, but I keep reminding myself that my goal was to test out a marathon day plan. So all I have to do is what I did on Sunday for twice as long and I'll run a 3:30 marathon. Easy peasy.

Most folks had races they felt satisfied with. A few PRs, some not-quite-PRs-but-awesome-for-the-conditions, and only a few disappointments. A good race day for the team.

Here are some of us:

* I am not in this pic. I don't have any pics of me from this trip.

sunshine and rain

Just when I needed a good moment of teaching, I walked into my young adult lit class and a student said, "We all agreed that this course needs to be a full-semester course. We aren't ready to be done with this class, we've enjoyed it too much."

I needed that.

white knuckling it through the term

I feel as though I am racing all the time. I wake up and it is a race to get things done until I collapse into bed far later than I want and need to be getting into bed. Work is stressful, teaching 5 classes on top of student teacher supervision, the blog, the new position I have as a faculty-in-the-field at an elementary school. I am not able to provide the kind of feedback I'd like to on all my students' assignments, and sometimes my classes have been less than inspired. I know that I also make decisions that add to my stress, like playing in Yeoman this year, but that's something I'm actually enjoying and look forward to during the week.

But today I got through almost everything I needed to during the actual work day so I am going to take the evening off from work. If I'm going to have even a moderately decent half marathon on Sunday, I need to prioritize some sleep this week. I'm in no shape to race this well, but I definitely don't want to bonk because I didn't get enough sleep. Sleep, need sleep.

you're so vain

I had my hip MRI on Monday. I went to this place that does the MRI and then the radiologist reads it right there in an appt after the MRI. So I got to see the MRI. And since I didn't really know what to look at, the main thing I noticed was, "That's a lot of fat on my hips." I've been eating really poorly the last few months. Stress eating, for sure. I need to curb it, and the MRI made that point pretty clearly. That and the fact that my favorite jeans are way too snug.

And fat aside, the MRI was inconclusive. The joint looks fine. There is a shadow in my pelvic bone, but does not appear to be a fracture. There was no inflammation. My back looks strong - lots of cartilage. These are all good things. The bad thing is that I don't know what is causing the hip pain. I didn't have tremendous confidence in the doc that I met with. Mostly he just showed me pictures of other people's knees and visceral fat and told me I should get MRIs to check those things. But I have the MRI cd so if I meet a radiologist who is dying to read it for free, I have it.

I guess I just keep running.

I have a song to sing, oh

Opening weekend complete! Even though I've played in the opera for nine years, I'm still surprised by how exhausting opening week is. Rehearsals from 6:30-11ish every night, Thursday preview, then shows Fri & Sat evenings and Sun matinee. It's a killer. This year, the show is particularly demanding, and long too. But the awesome thing that I realized is that though I'm tired because I am not getting enough sleep, my neck, shoulders, and arms are not as sore and achy as they usually are. Owe all that to Discover Strength, whose trainers kick my butt (and arms and legs and core) every week. Went to get stronger after my injury and to improve my running, but the unintended consequences are fabulous. If I could lose a little weight, I might have Michelle Obama arms.

feels like the first time

Tomorrow night the opera opens. Yeoman of the Guard is the most serious of Gilbert & Sullivan's operas, which might be why ticket sales are a little slow this year. No matter, we'll play and sing and act our hearts out for whomever is in the audience.

There have been some changes this year that make things less fun. For example, the orchestra is now being streamed on screen to the audience during the overture. G&S overtures are normally pretty nasty. This one is next to unplayable. I have a recording of it by the Royal Philharmonic, so I know it is actually playable by some musicians. Just not us (yet. I'll add the qualifier. There's still time to practice tomorrow). Anyway, having the camera there adds some nerves that I don't normally have. And we have to wear all black. The other 9 or so years I've done this, we can wear whatever we want, but now that we're being seen (which is nice, in theory, for the audience to know there's a live orchestra back stage), we have to look presentable. I have to buy some more black.

But that's not the big change. There are some new rules with the theater and church and school complex we're in, and because the cast has to warm up on stage, if we lowly orchestra folks want to warm up, we have to do it in the bathroom. Right. Like I'm going to sit on the toilet while warming up with my rather pricey instrument. I'd rather start cold. The stage managers said they're going to try to find a solution that doesn't involve toilets. I'll hope for that.

a new plan

I am having a really hard time dealing with my current leg pain and the impact it is having on my running training. I was supposed to run the Virginia Beach full marathon, but it took me 5 months to get up to running 30 mile weeks, so that wasn't going to happen. I switched to the half and soon developed hip pain. It is bad enough that I limp after running. It's not good, whatever it is. I've seen a chiropractor/pt doc and it hasn't gotten better so she thinks I should either see another kind of doc or just go ahead for an MRI. I have an MRI scheduled for March 4. I am certain they are going to find something terrible like bone cancer and a broken hip. Probably a labral tear too. And maybe bursitis to top it off. In the mean time, doc Jenna said to just keep running unless it got worse, which it hasn't, so I keep running.

All this, though, has made training difficult. My May marathon is now out the window, and I'll just hope I can hang in there to complete the half iron. My running buds think I should bag the year, and maybe set a goal race at a shorter distance, focus on getting and staying healthy and maybe get faster at a shorter distance. This is not what I want to do, but they are right. So instead of signing up for the Chicago marathon today, I decided to make the TC 10 mile my fall goal race. And plan to kill a spring 2014 marathon.

This doesn't make me happy, but it is the right thing to do. I hate doing the right thing.

for better or worse, this about sums up my valentine's day date.

another one in the books

We had our second concert of the season last night, rescheduled from Sunday. We had a small but enthusiastic audience, and the concert went really well. We opened with Verdi's La Forza del Destino, which honestly was hard and didn't go as well as we'd hoped, but the concert went up from there. I ended up really liking the music from this concert, even though I was not at all excited about it at the start of the cycle. I should remember this, because this is how it almost always is.

Before the concert, I tweeted a pic of one of our pieces and the scroll of my violin. The music was for Lizst's Les Preludes, a very challenging piece that requires the first violin section to do things that are near impossible. A friend replied, "Someone should have told Franz [Lizst] that he didn't need to use ALL the notes." I am glad I read the tweet text before leaving the concert, because I shared her nerdy wit with the rest of the firsts, and we all had a good laugh.

what goes around

A couple years ago, I was pretty ballsy and turned down a job offer without having a fall-back. It worked out ok, as I got the job I had been holding out for, but it was still kinda stupid. The interview was awful though, one for the record books really. But then yesterday I found out that one of my former grad school colleagues was offered a job at that same institution. And at her interview, she was in a major car accident on the drive to her teaching demo. The faculty member driving her was t-boned. Everyone was fine, but that could also go down in the records for bad interview experiences. It seems this department is somewhat cursed for putting together a decent interview for a candidate. She, at least according to FB, is excitedly celebrating the offer. I am glad it worked out for her!

ms. independent

Shortly after I bought my house 10.5 years ago, I started dating a guy who had a lot of girl friends who had all been in relationships for pretty much their entire lives. They went from their childhood homes, to roommates in college, to getting married (maybe with a few years in an apartment with a roommate in there too), but never having lived alone a day in their life.

The girl friends of my boyfriend would constantly ask me about whether I was scared all the time living by myself, if I did anything to keep myself safe. No, the answer to these questions was, and is, no. I mean, I keep my doors locked, and have a crafty plastic lattice thingy on my front and back doors so that even if someone broke the window they couldn't open the door. But I have about two dozen other windows that don't have the fancy lattice thingy and really, if someone wants to break into a house, it doesn't matter what kind of fortress it is.

But back to the story, said boyfriend was also freaked out that I lived by myself in a house that was all on one floor, and made me keep a baseball bat in my bedroom. I can guarantee that if someone were to break into my house, I will a) forget that the baseball bat is there, or b) the baseball bat will be used as a weapon against me. But the baseball bat is still in the corner of my room. Mostly because I don't really have anywhere else to put it.

There have been a handful of nights that I hear a weird noise or I have a nightmare or I hear something like this, and I end up having a sleepless night convinced that someone is about to break into my house and I worry about my poor parents having to clean up the mess when I'm found murdered and half eaten by wild dogs. But these nights are few and far between.

Tonight as I was finally getting around to clearing the last of the snow from my front sidewalk, my dear neighbor came out to tell me a story. It turns out my two-doors-down neighbor had gotten up in the middle of the night for a drink of water and noticed, at 4 am, a car inching down the road alongside a man walking up to every house on the street to look into the windows. This is the kind of story I don't like to hear because, like when my garage was set on fire, it is violating and personal. I am hoping I get at least a little sleep tonight.

foiled again.

It seems as though MVO is not meant to have February concerts. Two years ago, we had a major snowstorm and postponed. That was a bummer, since we were playing the Khachaturian violin concerto with a MN Orch superstar and the change in date made for a small audience. We had a snowstorm last year, but persevered with a very tiny audience. Then yesterday, we postponed our Feb concert once again, this time to Tuesday night which is our normal rehearsal night. This is a bummer because as with many orchestras, our audience is older and do not like to venture out at night. We will likely have a small audience once again. The only thing that might save us is that we have two choirs participating, so they might bring in a few extra people.

I suppose it was for the best. I'm sorry it means we'll have one fewer rehearsal for our next concert. We're playing Shostakovich Symphony #5, which is awesome but also a beast, and we could use all the rehearsals we can get. I guess it just means I'll have to practice more.

throwback

I'm teaching a Young Adult Lit class this term, and I'm way way more excited about teaching it this year than last year. I have a whopping 9 students in the class this year (as opposed to 3 last year), and the class is hybrid - half face-to-face, half online. I don't love the hybrid part exactly, but it means that the class is only an hour and 40 minutes long instead of 3.5 hours. Which was torture with only 3 students. So I like the 9 students part.

Anyway, last night I had the "80s Pop" Pandora station playing as students were coming into class. The song "Faithfully" by Journey came on. I haven't heard that song in years and years, but it is the song that I danced with the guy I had a major crush on at the Homecoming dance my junior year. I have not thought about that for probably 20 years, but that speaks to the power of music. I was instantly transported back to my high school cafeteria, lights out, dancing 90s sway style to Journey in my favorite purple shirt.

Isn't it amazing how a smell, image, song, voice, can transport you to another time and place, even when standing in front of a new crew of students?

on the verge

You know that day (or few hours) right before you get really sick, that time when you can still function ok, but you know you're in for it? That is how I've felt for the last three weeks. Actually, I started feeling this way around Dec 28. Some days I feel like I'm coming down with a flu-like stomach bug with an upset tummy and low grade nausea; other days, I get the scratchy sore throat thing. Always I'm tired and a little achy with a wicked headache. I'd kinda rather just get full on sick so that I can eventually get better, rather than this almost there but not quite crap. Web MD was not helpful, as I might have influenza, cocaine withdrawl, leukemia, sleep apnea, anemia, hay fever, dehydration, bipolar disorder, chronic fatigue disorder, or PMS. Pretty much, I could have anything. Probably I just have a cold. So maybe I'll get sick, and maybe I'll get better. I guess only time will tell on this one.

18 weeks

Normally when a woman posts on a blog with a title "XX weeks," she follows that up with a picture of her growing belly. I am hoping that over the next 18 weeks mine shrinks. But that's beside the point. I figured out that as of today, I am officially 18 weeks away from the 70.3 I am planning to attempt. Which also means, then, that I am 16 weeks away from my goal race for the spring, the Green Bay Marathon.

I was flipping out about this earlier this weekend, thinking that there was no way I'd be back to race condition in 16 weeks. I know I can always just run the marathon, but frankly, marathons are brutal, and I don't want to put my body through one if I don't think I can get close to a BQ. But then I realized that my year anniversary with the club is coming up this week. And though I've been set back by injury, I'm about in the same place mileage- and speed-wise as I was last year at this time. I think that I'll be able to get back to where I was in May (well, minus the stress fracture). The marathon is really my main focus, but I should probably do something about that tri also.

So what am I doing to stay on track? I have a spiffy new training plan that includes 2-3 rides (for now on my new trainer - fun fun), 2 swims, and 1 weights workout a week, plus the 4-5 runs. The runs and weights are givens - no compromise on those. I will make sure to get at least 1 long ride and 1 long swim in each week. I will listen to my body on the rest.

board to death

Not really, but I have been elected to 2 professional boards of directors and the boards of both organizations I'm in for fun - the orchestra and the running club - for this year. I'm trying to figure out how to fit these responsibilities into my schedule. I was really honored to be asked to run for the running team board, and when I was asked to run for the orchestra board, I decided that as a 13 year member it was time to give back in that capacity. But now I'm balancing 4 boards worth of meetings and emails and fundraising and workshops. I'm going to have to be better at time management.

I almost do

Yesterday I had to moderate a panel for an education event focused on the Common Core State Standards. I was very nervous, which isn't surprising because I've said before how I'm nervous about 60% of my waking hours. I've never moderated a panel before, and while I know the new MN ELA Standards well, I don't know them inside and out. I was also worried about what to do when that one person decides that this is their personal soapbox and dominates the entire time.

It turned out ok. Afterwards, someone came up to me and said that my moderating reminded them of Phil Donahue. Then she said that I was too young to know Phil Donahue (I'm not, but it's nice of her to think that), but that in fact that's a compliment. I was surprised by the compliment, because at one point I was leaning over the panel table with my butt facing the audience to speak into the microphone since we didn't have enough for me to have my own. After announcing, "Um, yeah, this is awkward," and taking the mic from the stand to turn and face the audience, things improved. At any rate, I'll take the kind compliment. Of course, this was a room full of middle aged reading teachers, so even if I had sworn at the panel, they probably would have had something nice to say to me.

tYoS act #2: Ragnar Florida Keys

                                                                    *** this is what happens when my hair meets Florida humidity

I have some pretty amazing opportunities. I like to think that I make these happen, but some of it is just dumb luck. Like choosing to join the running club. Which leads to The Year of Stupid Act #2: Ragnar Florida Keys edition.

I think most of my dear reader friends know about Ragnar, having run one or knowing someone who has. It is probably something that should be done while 21, when no sleep is just an average night during finals and being stuck in a van with other smelly people on long road trips was just an average Saturday home from a tennis meet. But here I am, at 36, choosing to run a 197 mile relay over 28 hours in 8000% humidity halfway across the country. And loved every damn minute of it.

My sister and I flew into Miami on Thursday, and after getting to the hotel went on a shakeout run with a couple running buds. We knew we'd feel better having a chance to get the lead out and try to acclimate to the oppressive heat and humidity. It was a tough run, but I was glad to have it done. We grabbed some drinks pre-dinner, ate out (all 24 of us!) at a greek restaurant, and headed back for out last sleep for a while.

We had a 1 pm start time, and it was so hot that the Ragnar people were sending texts all morning and afternoon warning of the heat index. We were nervous (me especially, this being my first Ragnar), but were really ready to get the party started.

 

I love the palm trees in this pic behind the Ragnar start line.

I was in Van 1, and our 6 team members had the longer legs of the team. My sister was dumb (IMO) and chose Runner #3 with runs of 2.7, 8.5, and 9.8 miles. Those that have run a Ragnar know that a 9.8 mile 3rd leg is killer. She had no shade, and most of it was over two bridges - gorgeous, but no escape from the sun. My legs were 3.5, 7.1, and 3.9. With me still in recovery, I didn't want to overdo it and end up re-injured.

My first leg was around 3 pm. It was 80+ with a heat index of 95. Really gross. It was only 3.5 miles, but it was along a fairly busy street in Miami with lots of cars pulling in and out of driveways. Between the sun, the heat from the passing traffic, and the fear I'd be hit by one of these Floridians not really paying attention to the random runners along 40th, it was not my best. Going into Ragnar, my goal pace had been around 8:00, but with the heat I adjusted to 8:30s. I hit that goal, which felt good. Didn't overdo it, as I knew I still had 2 runs to get in. Here I am getting the slap bracelet for my first run from my teammate Brian.

 

My next leg was around 1:30 am on Saturday morning, a 7.1 miler. It was still really humid, but at least the sun was down. I had a pretty good run, speeding up every two miles so that by the end I was at my original goal race pace. And I had 13 roadkill!

Roadkills, in Ragnar at least, refer to the people you pass while running. I had 27, my teammate Brian had 44(!) on his own. He did have a 12 mile leg but it's more because he's one of the fastest guys I know. We had 144 total as a team. Pretty awesome for the awful heat and humidity.

Anyway, I finished that leg feeling jazzed and sore. I couldn't believe I'd have to run another leg. After leg 2 was done for everyone in the van, we drove to a major exchange to take a quick shower and try to grab some Zs. I was last back into the van, so I had the choice of sleeping on the gym floor or the floor of the van. If you'd seen the port-a-potties we'd had to use along the way, you'd never have slept on the floor of that van, in all that was tracked in. I didn't really want to sleep on the gym floor, so I moved the suitcases around from the trunk of the van and "slept" back there. I was so cramped and it was so stuffy from no circulation that I didn't sleep a wink. But I hadn't really planned on it anyway, so that was ok.

By this point in the race, we'd been awake for most of the last 24 hours, and had almost all finished our runs of between 18-30 miles with warm ups and cool downs. We were pretty punchy.

My leg 3 started around 1 pm, a lot later than originally planned, but most of us were a lot slower than originally planned. It was crazy hot and humid, but my third leg was pretty solid. 4 miles at 8:30 pace along the coast. Gorgeous. Finishing in Key West was incredible.

Ragnar has been on my list of things to do for a long time. I wish I could have done it this August, but I'm just thankful I got to do it at all, and in such an amazing place. I don't think I'd ever do this Ragnar again - the heat was wicked and one of my teammates had to run a 7 mile bridge in full sun and 95% humidity. He said it was the most dangerous thing he's ever done, and he's finished multiple Ironmans. But it was definitely a chance of a lifetime, and I'll cherish the memories.

By the way, something has changed with Blogger photo uploads and I can't figure out how to insert the pics normally. I can't drag them and center them. It's all very annoying. Anyway, the pics are all here at least.

2013: the year of stupid. Act #1: New Year's Ice Dive

Sure started 2013 off with a bang with a jump into Lake Minnetonka. Waking up to -5 temps made me really, really, really want to climb back into bed. Actually, I had spent the night on the couch at the house of friends after a crew from the run club celebrated NYE there, knowing that if I drove home at 3 am after the party, I'd never have the nerve to make it out to Lake Minnetonka 4 hours later on my own. So, I stayed and had no excuse not to go. It's pretty hard to believe that it's been less than a year since I met these crazies. We left the house around 8:15 and carpooled out to the Lake.







I was terrified. As the following pics indicate. See me in the pink robe? Yeah, terrified.

The worst part is actually the wait. We spent about an hour waiting for our whole crew to arrive (22 jumpers!) and then another half hour in line to head out. Once we were death marched out to the platform, I was in a real tizzy. I was sure I would be the one person whose heart stops and has to be rescued from the water. Then all of a sudden, it was my turn. My friend Angie and I step up and the announcer says, "Oh, two guppies. Who talked you into this?" We pointed at Coach Ron. I look a little angry at this point. But actually, once we stepped up to the hole, I was calm and ready.

And then he counted down and we were in!

  

You have to jump in and go under the rope (to make sure you get the full experience of going all the way under). The water was take-your-breath-away cold, but it wasn't until I came out of the water and my wet head hit the -5 air that I thought I was going to die. Thank god for the firemen with the poles. When I came up out of the water, my brain was so frozen I could not think of what to do to get out of there. I could not have figured out how to swim at that point to (literally) save my life.

Before the jump, I said this was a one-and-done kind of thing. I'm still pretty sure that'll be the case, but I kinda easily succumb to peer pressure. It might seem like a good idea in another 365 days. But even if I never do it again, I have bragging rights for the rest of my life!