tri and tri again

I finished my very first triathlon yesterday. It was maybe the most fun I've ever had at a race, maybe save for the 25k I did last April that was so hard but felt so great. Oh, and the first time I ran the TC 10 mile. Well, my first marathon would have to be up there. Ok, so I've had a few super fun races, but this one is right up there. I had zero expectations, since I could only run/walk the 5k, and had no idea what to expect with transitions and the swim. I didn't know anything about the bike course, so I wasn't worried about the hills (which there were plenty of, btw). A few other folks from the run club were also competing, and it was great to see some of them in transitions and in the out-and-back run.

I'm glad I liked it, because a few weeks ago after a second glass of wine, I made the ill-advised, likely stupid decision to give a Half Ironman a go next June. I figure I'll have 10 weeks to train between the Virginia Beach marathon I'm running in March and the 70.3, so if I keep up some swimming and biking all winter, I'll be in ok shape. My goal will be to finish, that's it. I might do a few more shorter distance tris later in the summer next year, or be training for another marathon if I fail to BQ in Virginia. Time will tell. And, of course, this is all under the assumption my leg will heal up and stay strong. Most people would do more than one triathlon before signing up for a 70.3. Oh well.

As I was chatting with a new friend met at the tri, we decided that tris might be awesome or awful for the reason that it gives you the opportunity to buy lots more gear - you need three sport's worth of stuff instead of just running. And bike gear can add up fast. Just what I need - something else to spend money on.

And how funny is this: woman in front of me at packet pick-up was named Megan. When I went up to give my last name, she leaned over and said, "Kelly was my maiden name." I replied, "So your name was Megan Kelly?" To which she replied, "Yes, are you Megan Kelly?" I said that no, I wasn't but my sister is. She said, "Is she Megan Jean Kelly, the fast runner from Northfield?" Small world. I remembered my sister telling me stories about the other Megan Jean Kelly, and here she was, a new friend. She got into tris this summer and loved them. I can see why. Anyway, after I give myself a few days to recover, I'm going to try to get my winter training schedule going - planning runs, bikes, and swims each week. Here's to winter fitness!

"childless gals"

You all know about my constant struggle over my situation. I can't seem to stop talking about it. I love my independence and the experiences I have had and will have because I am single. And yet, I still long for someone with whom to share my life and, maybe, raise a child together.

I got the latest New Yorker in the mail today and read this article. It's a satirical piece, folks, which was apparently lost on the people who posted comments on it when I looked it up on line to link here. But I have to admit, it resonated with me. Because there are parts of my body and soul that do feel as though I'm less of a woman because I haven't experienced being a mom. I do feel as though as a single, childless woman, I am not part of the women's movement at times because it's all about moms rising up, Moms-In-Chief, mothers unite. That I don't contribute. That my place in this world is largely useless. That anything I accomplish is somehow less-than because I don't have kids. I struggle to fit into conversations about kindergarten round-up and sleep training because when I try to contribute, I can't speak my truth and end up floundering with stories of other moms I know. Because my truth doesn't include any children of my own. Note to self: I'd probably do better just to ask questions and listen.

I'm lucky to have amazing friends with amazing lives who allow me to be myself when we are together. I do try hard, though I know I often don't succeed, to be mindful of the role motherhood plays in their lives and try to relate to, ask about, and learn from them about this huge part of their lives. I know I am often self-absorbed and don't do enough of that. And to those of you who have felt this way from me, I do apologize. I'm mindful of it and try to work on it. Part of it comes from a place of self-protection, of a growing sense of loss as the days go by and my chance is slipping away.

Just having a low day.

face for radio

A few weeks ago, I hosted my nerdy work book club. We read Racial Innocence: Performing American Childhood from Slavery to Civil Rights by Robin Bernstein. Reading the book in prep for the meeting (I'll admit I didn't read the entire book), I felt like I was back in grad school in a Culture and Teaching course. I always enjoy the interesting and intelligent conversations we have at these meetings.

It was a sparsely attended meeting, just me and two others. One of those in attendance was brand new to the group, a prof at a local community college. She was super cool, and I was happy to have her energy join our fun group. A few days after the meeting, she asked if I would be a guest on a radio show she hosts, the theme of the evening being "Censorship and Controversy in Young Adult Literature," and I decided it would be an interesting experience so I said yes.

The interview was last night. I was super nervous for it, since I've never done anything like it. A friend of mine who hosts a show on WCCO how to prep and her big advice was not to eat dairy that day (causes mucous build-up in the throat. who knew?). So I stayed away from milk, yogurt, and cheese (three big staples in my diet) to be less mucousy. Charlotte asked awesome questions and the authors on with me were amazing. It was fun. Not the kind of fun I need to do all the time, but it was a great experience. You can read about/listen to it here.

And you should read the books by the authors that were on, especially Molly Beth Griffin's beautiful book Silhouette of a Sparrow, a love story between two women set in Excelsior, MN in the 1920s. It's a stunning novel (and I kinda hate her since it was her graduate school final project).