"childless gals"

You all know about my constant struggle over my situation. I can't seem to stop talking about it. I love my independence and the experiences I have had and will have because I am single. And yet, I still long for someone with whom to share my life and, maybe, raise a child together.

I got the latest New Yorker in the mail today and read this article. It's a satirical piece, folks, which was apparently lost on the people who posted comments on it when I looked it up on line to link here. But I have to admit, it resonated with me. Because there are parts of my body and soul that do feel as though I'm less of a woman because I haven't experienced being a mom. I do feel as though as a single, childless woman, I am not part of the women's movement at times because it's all about moms rising up, Moms-In-Chief, mothers unite. That I don't contribute. That my place in this world is largely useless. That anything I accomplish is somehow less-than because I don't have kids. I struggle to fit into conversations about kindergarten round-up and sleep training because when I try to contribute, I can't speak my truth and end up floundering with stories of other moms I know. Because my truth doesn't include any children of my own. Note to self: I'd probably do better just to ask questions and listen.

I'm lucky to have amazing friends with amazing lives who allow me to be myself when we are together. I do try hard, though I know I often don't succeed, to be mindful of the role motherhood plays in their lives and try to relate to, ask about, and learn from them about this huge part of their lives. I know I am often self-absorbed and don't do enough of that. And to those of you who have felt this way from me, I do apologize. I'm mindful of it and try to work on it. Part of it comes from a place of self-protection, of a growing sense of loss as the days go by and my chance is slipping away.

Just having a low day.