Though I haven't received my official "You're a loser" email from the BAA indicating that my qualifying time won't allow me in this year's race, the news today secures my status as "good enough to qualify, but not good enough to get in." 7500 submissions for 5000 spots. So, roughly 1/3 more apps than spaces left. I'm guessing that people need -1:40 to get in, which is 42 seconds faster than I was. So last year I missed by :45, this year :42. Improvement (she thinks, incredibly bitterly).
Though I could whine about the situation (ok, I will for a minute), about the heat and humidity, the fact that by every account the course was at least .22 long (which would be close to :90 seconds for my pace and would have given me enough of a cushion to make it in), that the year I finally qualify happens to fall on the year that everyone else that has ever even put on a pair of running shoes wants to be there, it doesn't change the fact that I just wasn't fast enough. I didn't make it happen.
To be honest, the arbitrariness of this qualifying but still not being fast enough thing has made Boston lose a bit of its luster. Maybe I'm just not going to be a good enough runner to wear the blue and yellow. And maybe that doesn't really mean as much as it used to. This isn't to say that if by some miracle the BAA changes something and I end up with a spot I wouldn't be excited to be going. I just don't think it has to be what defines me as a runner any more, the way that it has for years as a non-qualifier.
A few people have suggested I raise money to run as a charity runner. But I don't want to run it just to run it. I earned a spot in the race, and I'm not going there to wear a charity bib and start in the charity corral and have qualifiers look disdainfully at me because my charity spot meant that their spouse or teammate or sister didn't get in the race even though they qualified. At one point I thought about going out to cheer - to celebrate being a runner. And though many of my friends will be there, I don't think my psyche can handle that. I wish I could be a bigger person. I'm just not.
I'm definitely in the post-race blues, made worse by this whole craptastic situation. I need a new goal, I think, and one that doesn't revolve around a BQ. I might still run marathons, and maybe I'll get faster, but maybe running Boston doesn't mean as much if qualifiers still don't get in. Maybe next year if I happen to decide to run another marathon and get a faster time I'll decide differently about the whole thing. Who knows. But in the mean time, I need something else to focus on. I'm driving myself crazy without a goal.
Though I could whine about the situation (ok, I will for a minute), about the heat and humidity, the fact that by every account the course was at least .22 long (which would be close to :90 seconds for my pace and would have given me enough of a cushion to make it in), that the year I finally qualify happens to fall on the year that everyone else that has ever even put on a pair of running shoes wants to be there, it doesn't change the fact that I just wasn't fast enough. I didn't make it happen.
To be honest, the arbitrariness of this qualifying but still not being fast enough thing has made Boston lose a bit of its luster. Maybe I'm just not going to be a good enough runner to wear the blue and yellow. And maybe that doesn't really mean as much as it used to. This isn't to say that if by some miracle the BAA changes something and I end up with a spot I wouldn't be excited to be going. I just don't think it has to be what defines me as a runner any more, the way that it has for years as a non-qualifier.
A few people have suggested I raise money to run as a charity runner. But I don't want to run it just to run it. I earned a spot in the race, and I'm not going there to wear a charity bib and start in the charity corral and have qualifiers look disdainfully at me because my charity spot meant that their spouse or teammate or sister didn't get in the race even though they qualified. At one point I thought about going out to cheer - to celebrate being a runner. And though many of my friends will be there, I don't think my psyche can handle that. I wish I could be a bigger person. I'm just not.
I'm definitely in the post-race blues, made worse by this whole craptastic situation. I need a new goal, I think, and one that doesn't revolve around a BQ. I might still run marathons, and maybe I'll get faster, but maybe running Boston doesn't mean as much if qualifiers still don't get in. Maybe next year if I happen to decide to run another marathon and get a faster time I'll decide differently about the whole thing. Who knows. But in the mean time, I need something else to focus on. I'm driving myself crazy without a goal.
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