Dating red flags

The problem with on-line dating, especially when you've been matched on 29 dimensions of compatibility so you must be perfect for each other, is that there's this false sense that you actually know someone you haven't met.

I'm in the "open communication" email phase with someone on eHarm. We've exchanged one set of emails and I wasn't really feeling it, so I said it wasn't good timing and I needed to focus on work (yes, a total brush-off. I'm getting better at being honest). Well, he had emergency eye surgery yesterday. And he sent me several emails about it asking for support and good vibes. My first thought was pity, that he's reaching out to a stranger for support after surgery? Not a good sign. And yet the empathetic side of me sent him an email sending "healing thoughts" his way. But I think this is not a guy I will likely meet. Red flag, right?

eHarmony is the gradual release of responsibility model for dating dummies. Like me. You have to jump through all these hoops and answer stupid questions and then you get to the stage where you email each other, still through their "blind" email system. Aside from some of the ridiculous questions that get asked, I like the anonymity factor through their system. Not that I've met mr. right or even a mr. right now yet, but I've had a few ok dates using eHarmony.

I had a couple bad dates in a row to start off with, though. A couple of tips to the men out there: have a friend make sure your photos look like you. Really. Usually, I don't really put a ton of weight on how the guy looks (I can't say looks aren't important because then I'd be lying). But if your photo doesn't look like you, or it's so old you've aged a decade since then, it makes me wonder on what else you've stretched the truth. And I know there is a fine line between selling yourself and arrogance. A fine line. However, I seem to attract the arrogant, pushy ones. "If you google me, you'll see all the books I've written." (basically, pamphlets about his company) "I'd have been really good at the guitar if I'd have kept playing." (quit in 6th grade) "I live on Lake Minnetonka." (this one is fine, but by the third time he told me this in our first date, I was a little annoyed).

A dear friend recently told me that my expectations are too high and that I should just hope not to be repulsed by a guy on a first date and it would be successful. Not repulsed. That's as high an expectation as I should have? I have been on dozens and dozens of first dates, and they are often awkward and uncomfortable. But not repulsive should be my standard? Really??

I'm sticking to holding my dates to slightly higher expectations. I'll look past the poor decorating and inability to cook. But I think I can hold a guy to a higher standard than just above repulsion. I don't want to be a Miranda here, but I think I deserve a little better than that. I'm single, but like Bridget, not covered in scales.