til death

Last week I got to the work conference a day before most of the people I knew were going to get there. I called room service, but the wait was going to be an hour and a half for dinner, so I decided to head down one of the hotel restaurants. I ate at the bar, rather than taking up a table, and brought my conference book to peruse while I was waiting for my dinner. And as armor against small talk with others at the bar.

It didn't work. A guy sat next to me and though I tried hard to look busy, eventually elbowed me and asked what the book was all about, why we were all here. We ended up talking for a half hour or so; he was nice, talked about work and mentioned his wife and children. When I paid my bill and got up to leave, he said he'd walk out with me. When we got to the elevators, he put his arm around me and started rubbing/tickling my back and said, "I'm going to take a chance and ask you up to my room." I said no, I wasn't interested. He responded, "Yes you are. You know you want to." And I said, no, actually, I'm not. I don't want to. And by then I got off the elevator and walked the other direction from my actual room, just in case he got out.

I just kept thinking about his poor wife. I don't know their situation at all, but I sure know that I wouldn't want my husband trying to get strangers into his hotel room when he was traveling for work.

I have had many instances of married men hitting on me or going out with me (initially pretending to be single). I worked with a married guy that made several serious passes at me. I was so angry after this latest ridiculousness that I started to think about what it is about me that might lead this to happen many times. I worry that I seem desperate and easy. I'm not, but maybe I project that?

This is really frustrating. I don't need more evidence that there are a lot of losers out there. Why is it that I want a relationship again?