breaking my stride

I'm in Fort Worth, TX. Not a place I've necessarily ever hoped to visit, but it's not bad. At least the hotel is really nice, and I found some places to run. And I had a good dinner last night too.

I brought along with me the briefcase bag my adviser gave me when I finished my defense. It was a nice gift, and I was thankful, though I already have a number of bags like that. But it seemed like a nice bag, I hadn't used it yet, and I thought it would be nice to use here for the first time at this conference. Perhaps she would notice me using it.

Funny, though, that within 2 hours of using it, both straps ripped off. So I ended up carrying the thing around balanced on my hip like a toddler or a grocery bag. I looked ridiculous, like a poor grad student who can't afford a decent bag. Except I do have a decent bag back home and only used this one to make it seem like I liked it in front of my adviser.

My adviser saw me, but didn't notice or comment on said broken bag.

Now it's day two of the conference and I'm having to carry everything around in my arms, since I don't want to attract attention with my broken bag, but I have lots of stuff to bring to my sessions. Annoying.

It seems like a perfect metaphor for my relationship with my adviser. Initially pretty and thoughtful, but broken when I really need it.