jealous much?

I have been having visceral reactions to emails announcing fellow grad students' dissertation defenses.

This is me:


In theory, I am happy for them. In reality, I'm green with envy, and feel as though those folks are like Dorothy, skipping along and flaunting their success, oblivious to my anxiety. And right now, it's all about me.

I'm angry that I'm not getting any feedback from my adviser to help me know how to move forward. She's had those first three chapters for over two weeks now. So I'm feeling stuck. Not quite under-a-house-with-my-ruby-slippers-hanging-out stuck like the witch's sis, but pretty close.

People tell me I'll look back at this time and laugh about how worked up I got over it. Most of these people, mind you, have not written a dissertation, so I'm doubtful. But I do know that some day come hell or high water (I'm melting...), I'll be skipping along the yellow brick road too. And I did make a lot of progress towards that this weekend, so maybe I will soon see the light. I actually think it is because I'm close that I'm so much more jealous.

I don't intend to harm any little dogs or cute girls in red shoes. I don't keep flying monkeys in cages. And I don't think I'm quite as evil as dear Witch of the West. But in my current witchy state, I think I best lay low for a few days until these last chapters are out of my hands and sent hopefully awaiting revisions to my adviser's inbox. I don't want to scare any small children.