...is not something I've ever really suffered from or worried about. I've struggled with projects, sure. But in the end I've always been able to put something together, on time, that got the job done. I haven't been completely proud of everything I've written in grad school, but a done paper is most of the battle.
The problem with my crazy deadline for this draft is that I don't really have time to procrastinate. Which is really part of my process. I don't have time sit and think. Think. I've been committing words to paper pretty much nonstop for 21 days. And I need to think. But I have to keep writing.
Everyone in grad school, probably everyone at some point, feels like a fraud. I've had a number of crushing crises regarding myself as an impostor over the years. Someone is going to figure out that I don't belong. At some point in the near future, I will likely have this feeling about my new job. But the last 72 hours I've been squashed by this fear that the chapters I've already sent will cause my adviser to, well, I don't know. Fail me on the spot. Laugh. Be disappointed. Waiting is only making it worse. And making it hard to move forward with my last two chapters. As long as the draft isn't done, it can't be terrible.
Maybe writing about my writer's block will be cathartic enough that I can move on. Here's hoping.
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